Beads, Boobs, and Blood: Hatchet Unrated Director's Cut

Hatchet takes place in New Orleans at Mardi Gras time for what is obviously in the first 20 minutes a very good reason. Where else can you show approximately 100 boobs for no real good reason. We are not complaining, far from it, we think it was an ingenious way to get a lot of gratuitous nudity in a horror movie.

The first 20 minutes of Hatchet are a breast fest, followed by 20 minutes of setup, and about an hour of over the top gore. The gore is so over the top in fact as to be almost a caricature of the genre.

In fact, everything about this movie is over the top. That is not necessarily a bad thing when you are doing it in parody and this movie does it in every way, from the humor, to the skin, to the gore, this movie over delivers it all.

Every cliché exists in this group of tourists on first a tour bus, and then a boat tour of the haunted swamps around New Orleans. The clichés are all done in hilarious over the top acting and we have every cliché you can imagine from the Nerd who becomes the hero, the funny black sidekick, the Asian tour guide, the older couple, the quiet female heroin who is really out for revenge, the dumb blonde, and even the director of "Bayou Beaver" and his girls.

Make no mistake, if you cant tell already, a definite case can be made for how genuinely bad "Hatchet" is. In no way is it believable, intelligent, or even remotely original. But that's the idea, it exists on the same mindless level that made early teen slasher films like "Friday the 13th" so popular and in its own way it is a better film than those.

This crazy group runs into the local legend of Victor Crowley and the mayhem begins. The actual slashing in this film is creative, a bit absurd, and so bloody and gory as to be actually funny. We are talking about spurting blood and guts, real cartoonish and over the top in its excessiveness. It's all part of this movies charm.

Once the majority of the tourists are killed off, and we are down to our also cliché and heroic four, soon to be three and a torso they decide it is time to fight back.

Of course soon after we lose our favorite black hero and comic relief and are down to our final two, the also cliché quiet swamp girl, and nerd boy who has of course become the real hero. They of course finally succeed in stopping Victor Crowley one final time, and there is of course the obligatory monster comeback with a twist that we wont reveal as this movie has the ending we have been waiting for for years.

Overall, this is a great fun movie to watch, it's not what we would call a good movie, but in its over the top clichés and overall fun factor we loved it anyway. If you are a fan of the genre you will love it, but we wouldn't recommend it to your grandmother. That is unless she is a big fan of blood and boobs.

Watch the first 7 minutes online @ FEARnet.com