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 TV Bites With Neena Louise

The 1999-2000 First Annual TV BiteMes

by Neena Louise
OPINION

neena@entetainmentnutz.com

Worst Actress
Calista Flockhart, Ally McBeal (And not just because I personally find her offensive - okay, maybe a little - but the fact remains that she simply cannot act.)
Best Actress
Lisa Kudrow, "Phoebe Buffay", Friends
Most Overrated Female
Jennifer Love Hewitt (Every picture I've ever seen of her makes me want to grab her head and straighten it!)
Most Overlooked Female
Sara Rue, "Carmen Ferrara", Popular
Worst Actor
George Clooney (Okay, so he's not on TV much anymore - thank goodness - but the fact that a pretty face and hot bod doesn't automatically mean "good actor" is proven by George Clooney's acting.)
Best Actor
Oscar the Grouch, Sesame Street
Most Overrated Male
David Duchovny (He's ugly and terrible on the X-Files. His acting in other projects proves that he CAN act, so why chooses not to on the X-Files is puzzling.)
Most Overlooked Male
Steve Harris, "Eugene", The Practice (He can do more with a single facial expression than most actors can with pages of dialogue.)
Worst Drama
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Best Drama
ER
Worst Sitcom
Ladies Man (Any bets on when this stinker gets canceled?)
Best Sitcom
Becker (How many of us know an obnoxious doctor - or two - like Becker?)
Worst SciFi
Roswell (It's so pretentious - as if it's enough to put a show with teenagers, aliens and low lighting all in one show, promote the hell out of it and expect us all to buy in ... puleeeze.)
Best SciFi
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Worst Animated Series
Futurama
Best Animated Series
South Park
Worst Performance in a Series
Kellie Martin, "Lucy", mercifully past cast member of ER
Best Performance in a Series
The rats on Survivor
Most Overrated Series
Friends
Most Overlooked Series
Freaks and Geeks
Worst Writing [Three-way tie]
The Young and the Restless, The Bold and the Beautiful and Passions (All of us expect soap operas to be full of clichés, but these three are true howlers with possibly the lamest dialogue and storylines known to humanity.)
Best Writing
ER (Haven't heard a dorky line since Lucy [Kellie Martin] was killed off.)
Worst TV Mom
"Lois", Jane Kaczmarek, Malcom in the Middle (She's so out-there, that she's not even a caricature!)
Best TV Mom
"Maxine Gray", Tyne Daly, Judging Amy (Just proves that no matter how old you get, you're still a child in your mother's eyes.)
Worst TV Kid
"Jessie", Evan Rachel Wood, Once and Again (The word "brat" leaps quickly to mind.)
Best TV Kid
"Malcolm", Frankie Muniz, Malcolm in the Middle
Worst Reality Show Series
World's Wildest Police Videos (Ditch that JERK John Bunnell and this would be a better show. Does anyone besides me remember seeing him on Cops and thinking "what an arrogant asshole?")
Best Reality Show Series
Cops
Worst Reality Special
Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?
Best Reality Specials
The Secrets of Magic Revealed
Worst Timeslot for a Good Show
Early Edition, 8 p.m. Saturday (This show has so much potential that I'm sure it would benefit from a better timeslot.)
Best Timeslot for a Bad Show
Friends, 8:00 p.m., Thursday (If you don't like Friends - and I don't, though I'm sure I'm not alone - there's NOTHING else to watch on Thursday at 8:00.)
Least Likable Character on a Show
"Broots", Jon Gries, The Pretender (Tries way, way too hard to be the "lovable-and-brilliant-yet-klutzy sidekick".)
Most Likable Character on a Show
"Gene", Stephen Root, Ladies Man
Worst Theme
Ally McBeal (Someone PLEASE make Vonda Shepherd STOP! My ears! My ears! ack!)
Best Theme
Law and Order (Mike Post does it again...er...still.)
Most Welcome Violent Death
"Lucy", Kellie Martin, ER (Is anyone surprised?)
Least Welcome Violent Death
"Mr. Raines", Richard Marcus, The Pretender (Assuming he is actually dead.)
Least Valuable Player
"Lindsay", Kelli Williams, The Practice (The least interesting character on all of prime time.)
Most Valuable Player
"Finch", David Spade, Just Shoot Me (Even though Finch is a bit of a caricature, he's still the best thing about this show.)
Least Effective Detective
"Vallery Irons", Pamela Anderson, V.I.P.
Most Effective Detective
"Lenny Briscoe", Jerry Orbach, Law & Order
Least Effective Heavenly Character
That chick on the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Light commercials
Most Effective Heavenly Character
"Angel", David Boreanaz, Angel
Worst Newcomer (that hasn't been canceled)
Third Watch
Best Newcomer (that hasn't been canceled)
Malcolm in the Middle
Biggest Stinker of the Season
Wonderland (What the HELL were they thinking???)
Least Magical Moment
The "group hug" at the end of the mini-series Jesus
Most Magical Moment
The live bug-eating on Survivor
Worst TV Dad

"Michael Wiseman", Eric Close, Now and Again (Get over it already!)
Best TV Dad
"Ken 'Papa' Titus", Stacy Keach, Titus (His character is a cartoonish boor, but he's funny just the same.)
Worst Dressed Female
Oprah Winfrey (Could it be that everyone's afraid to tell her stretchy jersey outfits just don't look good on her body type?)
Best Dressed Female
Diane Sawyer (Her style and grace are reflected in her appropriate attire.)
Worst Dressed Male
The entire male cast of The Drew Carey Show
Best Dressed Male
Jesse L. Martin, "Edward Jordan", Law & Order
Worst Female Body
Calista Flockhart, "Ally", Ally McBeal (sick, sick, sick)
Best Female Body
Jane Krakowski, "Elaine Vassal", Ally McBeal (Not too thin; not too fat. How ironic that the sickly-looking Flockhart and healthy-looking Krakowski are on the same show.)
Worst Male Body
Alfred Molina, "Jimmy Stiles", Ladies Man
Best Male Body
David Boreanaz, "Angel", Angel (droooool)
Worst Miniseries
The 10th Kingdom
Best Miniseries
Jesus (Any show that can blow Who Wants to be a Millionaire? out of the water deserves accolades regardless of how bad or good it is.)
Worst Prime Time News Magazine
Dateline (Just how much more full of themselves can they get?)
Best Prime Time News Magazine
20/20 Friday (And ONLY Friday.)
Worst Game Show
Greed
Best Game Show
Jeopardy
 
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