|
TV Bites With
Neena Louise |
The 2004-2005
Sixth Annual TV BiteMes
by Neena Louise
Worst Actress
Patricia Arquette, "Allison Dubois", Medium (I really don't understand
the popularity of Medium. Though it has an interesting premise,
Arquette's dreadful acting renders it unwatchable.)
Best Actress
Teri Hatcher, "Susan Mayer", Desperate Housewives (Her portrayal of a
somewhat flaky and flawed single mother is very refreshing.)
Most Overrated Female
Patricia Arquette, "Allison Dubois", Medium (See above.)
Most Overlooked Female
Linda Park, "Hoshi Sato", Enterprise (Her versatility became apparent
when she played an evil power-hungry temptress in direct contrast to her regular
character of an insecure linguist.)
Worst Actor
Ron Eldard, "Jim Dunbar", Blind Justice (With his stilted, loud and
unaffected delivery, Eldard couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. It might've
been a decent show without him.)
Best Actor
Hugh Laurie, "Gregory House", House (His portrayal of a sarcastic,
curmudgeonly doctor is spot-on.)
Most Overrated Male
Matthew Fox, "Jack Shepard", Lost (Perhaps it is his one-note "Mr.
Intense" character, or that he's the resident hot stud and I'm expected to drool
over him. Whatever it is, his performance in Lost is neither engaging nor
impressive.)
Most Overlooked Male
Wallace Langham, "David Hodges", CSI (Plays an obnoxious, brown-nosing
lab tech that you somehow just can't despise, no matter how much you want to.)
Worst-Dressed Female
"Gina Tribbiani", Drea de Matteo, Joey (The skanky slut look is so over.
It is especially ridiculous - and kind of sad - on a thirty-something.)
Best-Dressed Female
The entire cast of Desperate Housewives (From frumpy to sultry, they are
always dressed perfectly for whatever the situation.)
Worst-Dressed Male
The entire male cast of Lost (Not because they're badly dressed, but
because they look way too clean, pressed and well-coiffed to be survivors
struggling on a deserted island. It's very distracting. Dirty 'em up already!)
Best-Dressed Male
"Denny Crane", William Shatner, Boston Legal (Though older and puffier,
he still looks damn good in those suits.)
Worst TV Mom
"Bree Van De Kamp", Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives (Cold, clueless
and not the least bit sympathetic.)
Best TV Mom
"Evelyn Harper", Holland Taylor, Two and Half Men (Taylor does a fine job
as an unapologetic mother that knows her adult kids don't like her much, yet
doesn't care.)
Worst TV Dad
"Paul Young", Mark Moses, Desperate Housewives (Creepy.)
Best TV Dad
"Ray Barone", Ray Romano, Everybody Loves Raymond (He could be just about
anyone's husband and father.)
Worst TV Kid
"Dewey", Erik Per Sullivan, Malcolm in the Middle (He becomes more and
more unlikeably obnoxious as the seasons pass, while the others become more and
more appealing.)
Best TV Kid
"Jake Harper", Angus T. Jones, Two and Half Men (This honest portrayal of
a typical kid is very refreshing.)
Least Likable Character on a Show
"Jordan Cavanaugh", Jill Hennessy, Crossing Jordan (I cared less and less
about her character every episode. Intriguing that Crossing Jordan
improved over last season.)
Most Likable Character on a Show
Robert David Hall, "Al Robbins", CSI (Hall's character is finally getting
more airtime. Still need more, though.)
Worst Drama
Law & Order: Trial by Jury (This snorefest - the 4th in the L&O
franchise - answers the question of how many clones it takes before the genetic
line peters out. CSI, you are warned.)
Best Drama
CSI (But, please stop cloning it. The clones - CSI: Miami and
CSI: NY - are becoming tiresome to the detriment of the still-fresh
original.)
Worst Sitcom
Jake in Progress (Stud Muffin does not a show make. A complete waste of
the cast's proven talents.)
Best Sitcoms (Tie)
Everybody Loves Raymond and Two and a Half Men (Tied for a second
year in a row. Raymond was still funny after 9 seasons; Two and a Half
Men, with its caricatured leads, shouldn't have continued to be funny, but
was.)
Worst SciFi
Point Pleasant (Trying to capitalize on The O.C.'s and Medium's
success by unsuccessfully combining them, this piece of pseudo-metaphysical crap
sorely lacked...everything.)
Best SciFi
Lost (Not strictly science fiction, but choices in this category are
dwindling fast. The end of an era?)
Worst Animated Series
Father of the Pride (Great animation, but nothing else.)
Best Animated Series
The Simpsons
Worst Commercial
All those prescription drug commercials (It's not bad enough with their
super-fast disclaimer spiel, but half the time it says "ask your doctor" without
telling you what the drug is supposed to treat, leaving you to wonder what it is
you're supposed to ask your doctor.)
Best Commercial
Priceline.com (These continue to be amusing with William Shatner poking fun at
himself - especially the one that had Leonard Nimoy making an appearance with
squeak toy in hand.)
Most Overrated Series
Desperate Housewives (Though it's a good show, it doesn't deserve the
almost-religious fervor it's generated.)
Most Overlooked Series
Arrested Development (Despite being a critical darling - which usually
means "awful" - the critics are actually right in this case. Fox shockingly
renewed it, despite its terrible ratings, so watch it already!)
Worst Writing
American Idol (Who writes host Ryan Seacrest's supremely cheesy, stupid
lines? Horrible...just horrible.)
Best Writing
House (Though not a comedy, it has some of the funniest lines on
television.)
Worst Commentator/Narrator
Larry Hagman, Sheer Dallas (With his high-pitched and phoney-sounding
Texan accent, Hagman does one of the worst voice-overs ever.)
Best Commentator/Narrator
Phil Keoghan, The Amazing Race (Informative without being
overly-dramatic.)
Worst Newscaster/Reporter
Dan Rather , CBS, CBS Evening News (Embarrassed by a completely false
story about President Bush, he fled with his tail between his legs. Coward.)
Best Newscaster/Reporter
Aaron Brown, CNN, Newsnight with Aaron Brown (Brown has the unique
ability to be dramatic without giving rise to a bout of eye-rolling.)
Worst News Magazine
Dateline (Will Stone Phillips ever look directly into the camera? Perhaps
he is ashamed. As he should be.)
Best News Magazine
60 Minutes
Worst Reality Show Series
The Swan (The most offensive reality show - any show, actually -
this season.)
Best Reality Show Series
Airline (I find it very entertaining to watch passengers - often drunk -
throwing hissy fits over situations of their own making. The people at Southwest
deserve a medal for their patience.)
Worst Reality Game
The Contender (Unless you really like boxing, this was a total yawn.)
Best Reality Game
The Amazing Race 7 (But don't ever cast monsters like Rob and Amber
again. M'kay? Which brings me to....)
...Worst Reality Villains
Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich, The Amazing Race 7 ("Villains" is too grand
a word for these unapologetically vile human beings, who besmirched the very
spirit of The Amazing Race. Let's hope these morally bankrupt, profoundly
stupid, greedy opportunists don't breed.)
Best Reality Villain
Chris Shelton, The Apprentice 3 (With his out-of-nowhere, over-the-top
tirades and the crying jag when he was fired, Shelton was entertaining - almost
comical - to watch.)
Worst Game Show
The Price is Right Primetime (Keep it for daytime. Primetime is supposed
to be for more intelligent fare. "Supposed" being the key word here...)
Best Game Show
Jeopardy
Worst Timeslot for a Good Show
Scrubs, NBC, Thursday at 9:30...no, Tuesday at 9:30...no, Tuesday at 9:00
(For heaven's sake, find a timeslot already! This show deserves so much more
than being slated opposite hit shows.)
Best Timeslot for a Bad Show
Joey, NBC, Thursday, 8:00 pm (The old Friends curse is still alive
and well.)
Worst Theme Music
Boston Legal (I can only describe this grating theme as "hillbilly
hip-hop".)
Best Theme Music
Law & Order
Worst Newcomer (that hasn't been canceled)
Rodney (I'm stunned at the renewal of this unfunny snorefest. Hey, ABC,
if you want to get to the top and stay there, garbage like this isn't going to
do it for you.)
Best Newcomer (that hasn't been canceled)
House (This unusual medical drama gives a fresh spin on a stale premise.)
Biggest Decline in Quality
ER (The same thought ran through my head at the end of every episode of
ER this season: "WhatEVER". Being trounced in the ratings by Without a
Trace says it all. This dinosaur needs to be buried.)
Most Improved in Quality
20/20 (This is so much better without Baba Wawa. Better stories,
less overly-dramatic fluff, less partisan...almost like a new series.)
Worst Network
NBC (Oh, how the mighty have fallen.)
Best Network
CBS (With its run of hit shows, CBS smothered its competition and ended the
season on top.)
Biggest Stinker of the Season
Committed (Not even a little bit funny. And what was up with Tom
Poston playing a clown that lives in a closet?!?)
Trend of the Year
"Family fixes" of the two-hankie variety (ie: Wife Swap, Extreme
Makeover: Home Edition, Renovate My Family, Nanny 911,
Trading Spouses, Supernanny, etc, etc. Enough already.)
Least Magical Moment
The "surprise" ending of the Without a Trace episode in which "Jack
Malone" (Anthony LaPaglia) discovers the missing man he's trying to find
is...himself, 25 years in the future! And, gosh, it was all just a dream (like
we didn't see this coming a million miles away with the distractingly bad ageing
makeup and stupid story line). I know it was Sweeps, but Without a Trace
doesn't need gimmicky crap like this to get ratings. Go back to finding
missing people and leave the insipid personal struggles in the soaps where
they belong.
Most Magical Moment
The end credits for the episode of Cold Case that had Barry Bostwick
playing a psychotic killer, with the movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show
(in which Bostwick played a geek - thirty years ago!) as a backdrop. The rest of
the episode was pretty good, too.
| We
would love to know what you think, sound off on the
TV message
boards and let us know what you think! |
|
|
