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 TV Bites with Neena Louise

The 2006-2007 Eighth Annual TV BiteMes

by Neena Louise

Worst Actress
Anne Heche, "Marin Frist", Men in Trees (With a voice that sounds like she's been sucking helium, coupled with her frenetic acting style, Heche's performance made me want to take a sedative.)

Best Actress
Vanessa Williams, "Wilhelmina Slater", Ugly Betty (Well, yes, she's a cartoon character, but Williams' deliciously evil Wilhelmina kept me watching after Betty's quality began to slide.)

Most Overrated Female
Eva Longoria, "Gabrielle Solis", Desperate Housewives (Though a competent actress, Longoria does not deserve the accolades that have been heaped upon her.)

Most Overlooked Female
Tracie Thoms, "Kat Miller", Cold Case (As the token black female and one of only two female homicide detectives - endlessly pointed out on the show - Thoms' performance demands more.)

Worst Actor
Mandy Patinkin, "Jason Gideon", Criminal Minds (He always looked - and often acted - stoned and disengaged. After dramatically mumbling some sage advice, his character did little. Patinkin did less.)

Best Actor
James Spader, "Alan Shore", Boston Legal (Though a bit of a caricature, Spader always delivered his lines with the appropriate amount of sarcasm and wit.)

Most Overrated Male
Matthew Fox, "Jack Shephard", Lost (Oh, puhleeze. Fox's stilted and overly-dramatic performance on Lost was almost to the point of hilarity. Depending far too much on his looks, Fox needs some genuine emotion behind his overwrought emoting.)

Most Overlooked Male
Wallace Langham, "Hodges", CSI (Though it's always hard for a large ensemble drama to give peripheral characters screen time, Langham's "Hodges" went from an annoying know-it-all to an interesting study in insecurity and now we need more.)

Worst-Dressed Female
Jennifer Love Hewitt, "Melinda Gordon", Ghost Whisperer (Okay, we get it already: Jennifer Love Hewitt has impressive cleavage. Enough with the ever-present plunging necklines.)

Best-Dressed Females
Entire cast of Desperate Housewives (Though I don't understand how a suburban housewife - no matter how financially stable - could wear a different outfit every single day, the cast of Housewives were always dressed wonderfully and appropriately,)

Worst-Dressed Male
Donald Trump, The Apprentice (A little variety in the zillion-dollar suits would work wonders for Trump and his tired show. And that hair...oh, that hair... Trump's signature bad hair is just not cute anymore. He needs a stylist.)

Best-Dressed Male
Hugh Laurie "Gregory House", House (Untidy shirt, jeans, sneakers...the scruffy look just works for him.)

Worst TV Mom
"Angela Petrelli", Cristine Rose, Heroes (So ambitious that she didn't care about anyone: her sons, her granddaughter...no one. Mother from hell.)

Best TV Mom
"Gail Green", Pamela Reed, Jericho (A clever balance between being a mom to everyone and being a strong, independent woman. It made her obnoxious attitude to her son's girlfriend most jarring.)

Worst TV Dad
"Sebastian Shark", James Woods, Shark (Not much of a father at all, actually. His daughter is more like a parent than he is.)

Best TV Dad
"Brad Chase", Mark Valley, Boston Legal (Easy to dismiss as just another pretty boy, the combination of worry, fear, concern and genuine elation at the birth of his child made Valley's "Brad" utterly charming.)

Worst TV Kid
"Matthew Campbell,", Hamish Linklater, The New Adventures of Old Christine (Though rarely seen - thank goodness - the kid didn't seem to have any personality at all, making his appearances on the show stop it dead.)

Best TV Kid
"Justin Suarez", Mark Indelicato, Ugly Betty (I've always been partial to young people brave enough to be exactly who they are, despite what anyone thinks.)

Least Likable Character on a Show
"Jack Shephard", Matthew Fox, Lost ("Jack" needs to get over himself.)

Most Likable Character on a Show
"Hiro Nakamura", Masi Oka, Heroes (Cast as the comic relief, "Hiro" has proven to be so much more.)

Worst Drama
Shark (James Woods' stilted one-note performance, stupid dialogue, weird father-daughter relationship...it all adds up to a show not worth watching.)

Best Drama
Cold Case (Despite having far too many cases barely cool, this is still a great show. If they'd get back to doing cases more than five years old, it would be an excellent show.)

Worst Sitcom
The Class (I can see wanting to reunite with high school pals. Or even junior high pals. But third grade?!?! I can barely remember who was in my third grade class, never mind have a burning desire to see them again. Oh, and The Class just wasn't funny.)

Best Sitcom
My Name is Earl (It would be so easy for this show to go stale very quickly, but season 2 still managed to keep its decidedly un-PC tone and be funny at the same time.)

Worst SciFi
There was really only one SciFi series on network television (Heroes), and it was actually good. Thank goodness for cable.

Best...er only SciFi
Heroes

Worst Animated Series
Creature Comforts (I didn't get this...was it supposed to be funny? Serious? Sarcastic? Whatever it was supposed to be, it wasn't.)

Best Animated Series
Simpsons

Worst Commercial
Head On (We all know this one: "apply directly to the forehead...apply directly to the forehead". Not content to be plain irritating, Head On then hired the Worst Actors In The World to tell us how annoying the commercial is, making it even more annoying. And I still don't know what Head On is, exactly... just that you repeatedly apply it directly to the forehead.)

Best Commercial
Sobeys' "Lost in the grocery store" (Poking fun at big box stores like Costco, the couple lost in the grocery store needing the GPS to find the produce ["turn right at aisle 176"... they are at aisle 3] was one of only a precious few that I remember. And like.)

Most Overrated Series
The Office (This show is lame and dull, but it's hard to tell if it's the comparison to the superior British version, or that this one is just bad. Whatever. It sucks.)

Most Overlooked Series
Day Break (Different and entertaining, this "replacement series" for when Lost was on hiatus, was abruptly canceled a few episodes in.)

Worst Writing
Crossing Jordan (Not only was much of the dialogue laughable, it was predictable. I started playing a game of "finish the sentence before they say it". I won every time.)

Best Writing
Studio 60 (Poor Studio 60...a TV show about TV writers had the best writing. Too bad nobody was watching.)

Worst Host/Narrator
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol (I don't know what it was, but Seacrest just seemed to get more and more stupid every time I watched Idol.)

Best Host/Narrator
Jeff Probst, Survivor (Not because he's an especially outstanding host, but the fact that he can put up with the weirdos and make increasingly stale material sound fresh and new gives him a gold star...er, Immunity Idol.)

Worst Newscaster/Reporter
Stone Phillips, Dateline (Thank goodness he's leaving Dateline. Maybe they'll find someone that can actually look directly in the camera and not be such a drama queen.)

Best Newscaster/Reporter
John Stossel, 20/20 (Stossel is one of the few journalists that doesn't take himself so damn seriously and has the guts to poke fun at both himself and the media.)

Worst News Magazine
Dateline (This just keeps winning the category. There really aren't any more bad - never mind good - things to say about this poor excuse for a news magazine.)

Best News Magazine
60 Minutes

Worst Reality Show Series
The Real Wedding Crashers (The worst Candid Camera knockoff I've ever seen. Some of the "set-ups" were spectacularly stupid and unfunny.)

Best Reality Show Series
Supernanny (Not only does Supernanny satisfy the voyeur in all of us, it's easy to feel like The Best Parent in the World compared to those clueless parents and their wild, ill-mannered brats.)

Worst Reality Game
Pirate Master (In this ridiculous Survivor on a Ship, the first contestant to be captain went through some weird personality change, taking the role of captain waaaaay too seriously. The second to play captain started speaking in a spectacularly bad accent - supposedly British - for no apparent reason. I stopped watching this gang of weirdos after that.)

Runner-up
On the Lot (In the first three weeks, the host changed once, six contestants vanished without explanation and the format changed so many times it wound up with no set format at all. Whew! Proves that dropping Directing God's name, "Steven Spielberg", a gazillion times an episode can't save a TV show, no matter how good. Which this wasn't.)

Best Reality Game
The Amazing Race (Okay, the "Family Edition" is done. "All-Stars"? Check. Now just get back to the good ol' Race we know and love. If Race comes out with a "Celebrity Edition" it's off the list for good...I can only overlook so much.)

Worst Reality Villains
Dustin Konzelman and Kandice Pelletier, aka "The Beauty Queens", Amazing Race: All-Stars (Obnoxious liars who couldn't run a clean race in a washing machine, these two were an embarrassment to the states they represented in beauty pageants. You couldn't even love to hate them...you just hated them.)

Best Reality Villain
For the first time, there weren't any. The "villains" were so obviously playing that role (other than the naturally vile Beauty Queens from The Amazing Race), it made them bad actors, not good villains.

Worst Game Show
National Bingo Night (Um...huh? Whose dumb idea was this?)

Best Game Show
Jeopardy

Worst Score
Lost (Though I didn't even watch half of this season, what I watched had music that was more dramatic than the show.)

Best Score
Cold Case (Always fits with the story and timeframe. Now if only the tunes were older. Hint, hint. Hint hint hint hint...)

Worst Theme Music
The Loop (This series didn't last long, and it's no wonder. The loud, off-key [no key?] theme song was tantamount to nails on a chalkboard.)

Best Theme Music
Law & Order (Still and forever.)

Worst Newcomer (that hasn't been canceled)
Brothers and Sisters (Yawwwwwwwwn.)

Best Newcomer (that hasn't been canceled)
Heroes (Despite its unevenness and vanishing off the airwaves for a while, this was still the most original and entertaining series of the season.)

Biggest Decline in Quality
24 (With so many to choose from - ER, Lost, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, to name but a few - this was a most difficult choice. 24 takes it because last season was the best ever. This season? The worst by far.)

Most Improved in Quality
For the first time, not a single show improved in quality...not even the newcomers. Is this the end of network television?

Worst Network
NBC (You know a network is tanking when it resorts to selling punchlines to one-liners at 99 cents a pop [Last Comic Standing].)

Best Network
CBS

Biggest Stinker of the Season
The Black Donnellys (Tough decision this year, with so many to choose from like Traveler, 20 Good Years, The Class, Six Degrees, etc. etc., but Donnellys was the stinkiest of the stinky.)

Trend of the Year
The Hiatus (I've always passionately detested mid-season reruns, but remove the show all together? More detestable. That has to be the dumbest idea the networks have ever had. If the networks would just look at the ratings that reruns garner and - once and for all - realize viewers have short attention spans, they would never have put anything on hiatus. Off the air, out of mind, unlikely to return. Get it? Morons.)

Least Magical Moments
The "miniature killer" storyline on CSI. The first few were interesting, to be sure. But by stretching it out for the entire season, it became a big, fat "whatever" by the time the season finale aired.

Most Magical Moment
The mass exodus of Gregory House's (Hugh Laurie) staff on the season-ender of House. It will be interesting to see what happens next season
 
We would love to know what you think, sound off on the TV message boards and let us know what you think!

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