by Neena Louise
Worst Actress
Michelle Ryan, "Jaime Sommers", Bionic Woman
(Didn't help that the show was spectacularly bad, but Ryan's stilted, boring
non-acting sure didn't do it any favors.)
Best Actress
Christina Applegate, "Samantha", Samantha Who?
(Nice to see Applegate back on the airwaves, better than ever.)
Most Overrated Female
Oprah Winfrey (A sad commentary on what happens when one person acquires too
much power and money: they turn into self-important, judgmental blowhards. In
Winfrey's case, I find it very sad. I used to like her back when she at least
pretended to be a human being.)
Most Overlooked Female
Conchata Ferrell, "Berta", Two and a Half Men (Ferrell avoided
becoming a cartoon character by delivering some of the show's funniest lines
with the appropriate amount of wit and sarcasm.)
Worst Actor
Mark Harmon, "Jethro Gibbs", NCIS (As NCIS
took a slide, Harmon didn't improve things with his increasingly frozen-faced
nothingness. Didn't help that he, along with the entire cast except for David
McCallum, couldn't pronounce grenouille
- French for "frog" - to save their lives. It's gre-NOO-ee, not gran-WEE.
Frog, not urgent need to
urinate. Most distracting.)
Best Actor
William Shatner, "Denny Crane", Boston Legal
(Going seamlessly from comic-relief buffoon to brilliant lawyer, Shatner's
performance stole the show this season.)
Most Overrated Male
William Peterson, "Gil Grissom", CSI
(It was once inconceivable that CSI
could go on without Peterson's Grissom. This season proved that it could, as
Peterson regularly mumbled out silly lines as though he was embarrassed. So was
I.)
Most Overlooked Male
Wallace Langham, "David Hodges", CSI
(For the second year in a row. With all the other characters getting a bit on
the stale side, Langham's innocently socially inept Hodges needs more screen
time.)
Worst-Dressed Female
Patricia Arquette, "Allison Dubois", Medium
(Arquette is an attractive, young-looking 40-year-old, not a frumpy 60-year-old.
Instead of dressing her better this season, she was dressed even worse, making
her look like someone's dotty spinster aunt.)
Best-Dressed Female
Anna Friel, "Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles", Pushing Daisies
(For someone that was supposed to be dead, the impossibly cute Friel was always
dressed perfectly, avoiding the slut look that seems so common in characters her
age.)
Worst-Dressed Male
Tony Shalhoub, "Adrien Monk", Monk (I
suppose the same drab brown suit was appropriate for the obsessive-compulsive
Monk, but it made him look unwashed somehow. Not appropriate for someone
compulsively clean.)
Best-Dressed Male
John Larroquette, "Carl Sack", Boston Legal
(Although every man on Boston Legal
was dressed well, Larroquette pulled it off with the most success - elegance
personified.)
Worst TV Mom
"Christine Campbell", Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old
Christine (I know she's supposed to be an
insecure weirdo, but I found it distasteful that she's so selfish that she
routinely- and unapologetically - put herself before her kid.)
Best TV Mom
"Lynette Scavo", Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
(She showed remarkable restraint when dealing with superbrat Kayla. I would've
locked that devil spawn away.)
Worst TV Dad
"Luka Kovac", Goran Visnjic, ER (First
he abandoned his wife and child to deal with his ailing father, despite his
wife's increasingly desperate pleas that she and their son needed him more. Then
he returned with his lazy-ass brother in tow, ignored his baby and didn't notice
his wife's alcoholism. I know having an alcoholic parent would be horrible, but
I imagine such a clueless, self-absorbed, unsupportive father wouldn't be much
better.)
Best TV Dad
"Henry Spencer", Corbin Bernsen, Psych
(As a father that didn't even try to hide his disappointment with his grown son,
"Henry" was most entertaining.)
Worst TV Kid
"Kayla Huntington", Rachel G. Fox, Desperate Housewives
(Just because she was supposed
to be an obnoxious evil brat didn't mean she had to be so unrealistically
over-the-top. She wasn't even a kid you hated or felt sorry for, just a kid you
wanted gone. Which she now is.
Hopefully she stays that way.)
Best TV Kid
"Jake Harper", Angus T. Jones, Two and Half Men
("Jake" is neither angel, nor devil and it's incredibly refreshing to see a
real kid on TV - especially in a
sitcom.)
Least Likable Character on a Show
"Livia Beale", Moon Bloodgood, Journeyman
(I don't know if Bloodgood is simply a poor actress or she's just always cast as
unlikable characters - such as in the short-lived series Day Break
and movie Eight Below.
Whatever the case, I found her "Livia Beale" extremely annoying.)
Most Likable Character on a Show
"The Devil", Ray Wise, Reaper (I know he's supposed to be evil
incarnate, but I just couldn't help liking Wise's congenially wicked Devil.)
Worst Drama
Brothers and Sisters (This was an even bigger snore than Lost.
Hard to believe, I know.)
Best Drama
House (Though, like many other series,
House took a bit of a slide, it
remained a "can't miss" drama. Now that that whole silly Wilson-House-Amber
triangle thing is finally done and over with, hopefully it will return to its
former glory.)
Worst Sitcom
Cavemen (Using cavemen in insurance
commercials was lame and stupid enough, but to base an entire series on an idea
that wasn't very interesting to begin with? Beyond stupid. As was this show.)
Best Sitcom
The Big Bang Theory (This should've
been dumb, but the portrayal of a group of geeks - who know they're geeks, but
generally like themselves that way - steered clear of the stereotypes and overt
nerd-bashing, making it rather sweet.)
Worst SciFi
Bionic Woman (Oh, my, this stank. From
Michelle Ryan's dreadful acting to the stupid premise and strangely off-putting
special effects, this was spectacularly bad.)
Best SciFi
Heroes (Despite it being on the verge
of becoming yet another "whatever" SciFi show, Heroes
was still engaging. Hopefully it'll come back much improved.)
Worst Animated Series
Family Guy
Best Animated Series
The Simpsons
Worst Commercial
Multi-Grain Cheerios (It was actually a pretty average commercial, showing a man
inadvertently insulting his wife as he listed why Multi-Grain Cheerios are low
in fat, etc. What irritated me no end was that the actors actually have British
accents and that's how I initially saw this commercial. Then some moron decided
to dub them - very, very badly - and they suddenly acquired American accents.
Don't know why anyone thought that was necessary. I guess someone either too
stupid to understand British accents, or a Brit-hater.)
Best Commercial
All the "Mac vs. PC" commercials (These should be tired and stale by now, but
they just keep getting better - especially the latest bout of Vista-bashing. To
be fair, however, it could be that I like them so much because I've been a Mac
user for many, many years and have had to endure much Mac-bashing for most of
that time. Revenge is sweet.)
Most Overrated Series
Lost (The only bits I watched were the first half of the season
opener and the last 15 minutes of the season finale - and only because nothing
else was on. All that I learned was who was in the casket and that the island
was moved. Whatever. I'm so glad I didn't waste my time watching an entire
season to get so much of nothing. I marvel that people are still watching such
plodding, pretentious drivel. I guess they're expecting it to pick up the pace
and get good at some point. Don't hold your breath.)
Most Overlooked Series
Reaper (With Ray Wise's deliciously evil Devil and likeable Bret
Harrison's "Sam" and, yes, even the comic relief buffoonery of Tyler Labine's
"Sock", I'm surprised this series didn't get better ratings.)
Worst Writing
Bones (I didn't tune into this show much, but whenever I did Emily
Deschanel's character "Temperance Brennan" repeatedly said "I don't know what
that means." I don't know what kind of device this was supposed to be, but all
it did was make her look like a total idiot.)
Best Writing
The Big Bang Theory (The constant rapid-fire geekalese made this
series both hilarious and engaging.)
Worst Host/Narrator
Gordon Ramsey, Hell's Kitchen (What is this guy? Two years old?
When he wasn't throwing uncontrollable temper tantrums - complete with fits of
impotent shrieking, kicking and tossing stuff around - he was calling people
rude names. It was rather pathetic, actually, to watch a grown man act like a
petulant toddler. He needs a life. Or a child psychologist.)
Best Host/Narrator
Wayne Brady, Don't Forget the Lyrics (This show could have easily
been hard to watch with its weirdly enthusiastic contestants singing loud and
off-key, but Brady managed to keep it watchable by deftly mocking the
contestants so good-naturedly that it didn't seem like he was mocking them at
all. Impressive.)
Worst Newscaster/Reporter
Chris Hansen, Dateline (Going from the contrived - and, as it
turns out, quite fake - "To Catch a Predator" to the contrived and oh-so-lame
"To Catch a Scam Artist" or whatever it was, Hansen should give it up. Or maybe
do "To Catch a Lazy Reporter Setting People Up, Then Cleverly Editing to Make it
Look Dramatic". I'd actually like to see that.)
Best Newscaster/Reporter
For the first time, there were no standouts, just a bunch of talking heads that
think saying "Iraq", "Afghanistan", "Hillary" and/or "Obama" is sufficient for
any broadcast.
Worst News Magazine
Dateline (This has won the category every single year. 'Nuff
said.)
Best News Magazine
60 Minutes
Best News Magazine - Honorable Mention
Primetime's "What
Would You Do?" specials (No news magazine has made me think so much in quite
some time.)
Worst Reality Show Series
Kid Nation (Considering the unwarranted
- perhaps purposefully created - "controversy", Kid Nation
was just a bunch of kids being kids. Yawn.)
Best Reality Show Series
Cops (The reality show that started it
all is still worth a look, 20(!) seasons in. Doesn't hurt that it's one of the
very few first-run shows that airs on network TV on Saturday nights.)
Worst Reality Game
Big Brother (Never what one would call
a quality show, earlier editions at least had some diverse and interesting
personalities. This season was simply a skankfest. Ick, poo.)
Best Reality Game
The Amazing Race 12 (Race
finally ditched the stupid novelty editions and went back to its roots,
finishing in the top 25 in the process. There's a lesson, here. Reality
producers take note.)
Worst Reality Villains
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, Celebrity Apprentice
(The only non-celebrity, Omarosa was obviously cast as villainous relief to be
someone you were supposed to love to hate. Trouble was, you didn't love to hate
her...you just hated her. She's such a vile and worthless human being with no
redeeming qualities, watching her was tantamount to nails on a chalkboard.)
Best Reality Villain
Corey Earling, Hell's Kitchen (The
extremely catty Earling was hilarious to watch with all her egomaniacal
back-stabbing hypocrisy - and general bitchiness - blissfully unaware as to how
truly stupid she looked and sounded. Despite the fact that she embodies every
negative stereotype of women, it was still fun to squeal "meeeeeowwww" whenever
she opened her big fat mouth.)
Worst Game Show
Duel (I was bewildered when I first
watched this yawn of a show. All I saw were contestants sliding discs around for
some reason, then the audience clapping wildly for some other reason. When I
figured the premise out, there was no longer a reason to watch it.)
Best Game Show
Jeopardy
Worst Score
Lost (The score was most annoying with
its mosquitoes-in-the-jungle strings. Perhaps that was the idea, but it was like
biting on tin foil.)
Best Score
Eli Stone (Not score, exactly, but the
musical numbers that Eli Stone hallucinated ranged from sweet to hilarious.
Well, okay, some were stupid, but overall, it worked.)
Worst Theme Music
Lost (One long note and a door slam.
Wonder how long it took them to come up that?)
Best Theme Music
The Big Bang Theory (Law &
Order loses its crown to this great,
catchy Barenaked Ladies tune.)
Worst Newcomer (that hasn't been canceled)
Moment of Truth (This squirm-inducing
exploitation-disguised-as-a-game-show was very silly as host Mark Walberg
constantly and dramatically intoned "The questions are going to get more
personal. Are you sure you want to go on?" This was especially silly,
considering the contestants already knew what questions could be asked as they
"struggled" to decide between dignity and greed.)
Best Newcomer (that hasn't been canceled)
Pushing Daisies (True,
Daisies isn't for everyone, but it was
very refreshing in its comedic weirdness. Rather like watching a Tim Burton
movie every week.)
Biggest Decline in Quality
Without a Trace (With so many of the
characters so deep in their boring personal problems, finding missing people
seemed to be a low priority - as was making a show worth watching.)
Most Improved in Quality
Desperate Housewives (Coming back from
the brink of the silly and lame Twin-Peaks-Meets-Modern-Suburbia precipice,
Housewives still isn't back to
its old self, but, well, it was a whole lot better than the previous season.
Which was silly. And lame.)
Worst Network
ABC (I think it is aspiring to be the new Fox.)
Best Network
The CW. For always being last in the ratings, yet soldiering on.
Biggest Stinker of the Season
Viva Laughlin (Series creators should've learned from the swift
demise of Cop Rock nearly twenty years
ago: most TV viewers simply aren't interested in Broadway-type musicals on a
weekly basis. Viva Laughlin was
particularly sorry, as the actors looked very embarrassed to be bursting into
song for no apparent reason.)
Trend of the Year
Angst (So many series - mostly cop shows - wasted much of the precious little
season dwelling on the characters' angst. Who cares about the poor widdle babies
and their boring "issues"? Get back to, oh I don't know, catching the bad guy.
Finding the missing person. Saving that life. Doing something - anything
- besides whining about your poor, poor selves. Nobody cares.)
Least Magical Moment
Warrick Brown's demise on CSI (Oh, didn't see that
one coming a bazillion miles away! Not only was it common knowledge that actor
Gary Dourdan wouldn't be returning next season, but the set-up to Warrick's
murder by another cop was so obviously coming that it was anything but shocking.
And if they were going to kill him off, I mean, this is CSI!
Choking to death on a fruit roll-up or being electrocuted by an iPod would've
been more like it.)
Most Magical Moment
The one day that Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and/or Paris Hilton weren't
polluting the airwaves. Oops. That day hasn't come yet. My bad. Well, okay, so
it's not the "most magical moment," but rather "magical moment that must
happen". Soon. I think we've all suffered the incessant non-celebrity, has-been
Skank Trio coverage for quite long enough, now.
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