11th Annual Oskerbites

 

11th Annual Oskerbites

by Neena Louise

Worst Dressed

Charleze Theron
Wearing a washed-out purple dress with a tail(!), Theron did her best Madonna look-at-my-boobs impression.

Runner-Up

Jennifer Lopez

Lopez was indifferently draped with what appeared to be yards and yards of bubble wrap.

Best Dressed

Cameron Diaz
For once Diaz didn't look like she was going to a high school costume party and glammed it up in a blinged-out gown.

Worst Accessory

Molly Ringwald's bracelet
The butt-ugly bracelet Ringwald sported on her forearm made it appear she was trying to emulate Xena the Warrior Princess. The matching belt buckle didn't help.

Best Accessory

Robert Downey Jr.'s blue bowtie
How refreshing!

Worst Hair

Zac Efron
Sporting a severe case of bed-head, I guess Efron thought he looked cool. He didn't.

Best Hair

Sandra Bullock
Bullock's simple, straight hair was such a nice change from some of the frights of others. Her makeup, on the other hand, was...unfortunate.

Least Charming

George Clooney
What an arrogant ass. Trying so hard to be funny - and failing miserably - even Clooney's date looked embarrassed for him.

Most Charming

Jeff Bridges
Both on the red carpet and during his sweet acceptance speech, Bridges looked relaxed and honored and didn't seem to take himself too seriously.

Worst Acceptance Speech

Elinor Burkett (Documentary Short, Music by Prudence)
Sounding very drunk, Burkett waved her arms around and rambled loudly and incoherently.

Best Acceptance Speech

Michael Giacchino (Original Score, Up)
Rather than spiel off a list of names no one else cares about, Giacchino spent his time encouraging creative people not to listen to the naysayers and go for their dreams.

Worst Shout-Out

Steve Martin, pointing out that Meryl Streep is the most-nominated actress ever, went onto say "or as I put it: the most losses". That was just plain mean.

Best Shout-Out

Steve Martin, explaining that Christoph Waltz played a man obsessed with finding Jews in Inglourious Basterds, spread his arms and said "Well, Christoph...the motherlode!". One of the few times I laughed out loud.

Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Everyone deserved a nomination list year.

Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Mo'Nique (Supporting Actress, Precious)
Though I'm not a huge Mo'Nique fan, it was pretty impressive for a woman known for comedy to turn in such a riveting performance in a drama.

Least Deserving of an Oscar

Everyone that got one deserved it.

Most Deserving of an Oscar

Jeff Bridges

It's about time Bridges won an Oscar. Fifth time's the charm, I guess.

Least Surprising Winner

Avatar (Visual Effects)
Shocker.

Most Surprising Winner

No surprises.

Worst Presenters

All the actor & actress categories
Again this year, a bunch of people standing on stage and gushing over the nominees was gaggable and boring as hell. It was so cringe-worthy, I had to turn the channel. Dear Oscar producers: this is a stupid idea, not a good one. Stop it!

Best Presenters

Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr.
Their faked stilted delivery of what was written on the teleprompter was hilarious.

Worst Reaction of a Winner

Sandy Powell (Costume Design, The Young Victoria)
Taking her time sashaying down the aisle like she was on a fashion runway, Powell had the bad grace to say "I already have 2 of these." She sounded anything but honored...more like bored with the whole silly Oscar thing.

Best Reaction of a Winner

Christoph Waltz (Supporting Actor, Inglourious Basterds)
Waltz was one of the few that looked genuinely surprised and happy at his win.

Biggest Loser

Avatar
Avatar won just 3 of its 9 nominations. I guess James Cameron will have to console himself with his billion dollars. Poor fellow.



This was the lamest and weirdest Oscar broadcast in history. It didn't bode well for the coming broadcast when the stage was draped in crystal vomit (and what was up with the lampshades?). The ceremony started with the nominees in the best actor and actress categories standing awkwardly on the stage, being introduced for some unknown reason (still not certain what the purpose of that was). Then, Neil Patrick Harris took the words out of my mouth when he suddenly appeared and said "What am I doing here?". Yeah, what was he doing there, other than to sing an unfunny song and dance around? When hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin descended from rafters, I expected them to be horrible. They weren't horrible: they were boring. Since the entire broadcast was one big snooze, I guess their hosting was appropriate. I started calling it the Oscar Clip Show, because that's all it was: clip after clip after clip with very little else. I never did so much channel-surfing during an Oscar broadcast before. The most interesting thing in the entire broadcast was the Morgan Freeman-narrated bit about sound editing and mixing (categories that are routinely underappreciated). It was the only time during the broadcast that I didn't have the urge to change the channel. I guess the idea of using so many clips was to make the broadcast shorter. It would have, too, had it not been for that extraordinarily stupid gushing over the actor and actress nominees. It just went on and on and on, adding an unnecessary 20 minutes to the broadcast. That's probably why there was no time for best song performances (very disappointing). Just because that horrid medley of last year's nominated songs was a hot, steaming mess was no reason to dispense with song performances altogether! Instead, we were tortured by bad dance routines to the music in the original score category. The routines had nothing to do with the movie and didn't even go with the music. It was horrific and embarrassingly silly.

The Oscar broadcast was shorter than most years, but it was so boring that it seemed much, much longer. If they'd done away with the love-ins and the weird and very out-of-place John Hughes memorial, they could've put some actual entertainment in there. I think next year I'll record it so I won't feel like I'm dying of boredom.

For those who missed them:

Picture: The Hurt Locker, Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier, Greg Shapiro
Director: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Actor: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
Actress: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique, Precious
Foreign Language Film: El Secreto de Sus Ojos [The Secret in Their Eyes] (Argentina), Juan José Campanella
Cinematography: Avatar, Mauro Fiore
Original Screenplay: Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker
Adapted Screenplay: Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious
Documentary Feature: The Cove, Louie Psihoyes, Fisher Stevens
Documentary Short Subject: Music by Prudence, Roger Ross Williams, Elinor Burkett
Live Action Short Film: The New Tenants, Joachim Back, Tivi Magnusson
Film Editing: The Hurt Locker, Bob Marawski, Chris Innis
Makeup: Star Trek, Barney Burman, Mindy Hall, Joel Harlow
Art Direction: Avatar, Rick Carter, Robert Stromberg, Kim Sinclair
Sound Mixing: The Hurt Locker, Paul N.J. Ottosson, Randy Beckett
Sound Editing: The Hurt Locker, Paul N.J. Ottosson
Visual Effects: Avatar, Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Bancham, Andrew R. Jones
Costume Design: The Young Victoria, Sandy Powell
Original Score: Up, Michael Giacchino
Original Song: "The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)", Crazy Heart, Ryan Bingham, T Bone Burnett
Animated Feature Film: Up, Pete Docter
Animated Short Film: Logorama, Nicolas Schmerkin