TV Bites With
1st Annual OscarBites
by Neena Louise
I don't care what the self-appointed "fashion experts" claim. That
gold number looked like it was shredded in the washing machine.
That ridiculous mauve thing looked like a cross between a Disney cartoon and
those little dancing girls that pop out of children's jewelry boxes.
My god! She resembled something human for a change!
Pedro Almodovar (All About My Mother)
Worst Acceptance Speeches
Never mind you couldn't understand a bloody word he said, he babbled on and on,
then didn't even have the decency to GET IT when Antonio Banderas tried to pull
him off the stage. Totally disrespectful.
Warren Beatty (Thalberg Award)
I turned to the weather channel (yes, the weather channel) while this
undeserving goof rambled on.
Kevin Spacey (American Beauty)
Best Acceptance Speeches
What can I say? The guy has class.
Michael Caine (The Cider House Rules)
Spending most of his time acknowledging his co-nominees showed just what a pro
Hilary Swank (Boys Don't Cry)
Poised and to the point (and none of those fake tears like last year's
sniveling, rambling embarrassment, Gwyneth Paltrow). Too bad Swank forgot to
thank her poor hubby.
That stupid medley of songs past
Worst song presentation
The only redeeming bit was Isaac Hayes - and the poor guy got smoked out by an
out-of-control fog machine.
Best song presentation
Robin Williams was a great choice for this song. His duct-taped mouth was the
perfect comment on the Academy's threat to bleep some of the lyrics (like we've
never heard these words before). I still think "Uncle Fucka" should've
been nominated - just for the fun of watching the producers squirm.
All those STUPID (and, at times, totally tasteless) comments about the very,
very pregnant Annette Bening. I mean, who cares??? You'd think she was
the only pregnant woman that ever came to the Oscars (Julianne Moore, anyone?).
Billy Crystal pointing out the guy who found the missing Oscars in a dumpster.
Angelina Jolie (Girl, Interrupted)
Least deserving of an Oscar
She looked like a witch. She talked like a witch. She's a witch. ChloŽ Sevingy
Most deserving of an Oscar (er, Oscars)
Great movie. Stellar cast. It deserved very single Oscar (although, thank god
Annette Bening didn't win!).
Worst Presenter (even though she didn't actually present an award)
Can you say "vacuous"?
Even though he was awarding the Thalberg Award to that jerk Warren Beatty, he
was the most professional and entertaining presenter of the evening.
Lindy Hemming (Topsy-Turvy)
Best reaction of a winner
She was so excited, she charged right back down the stairs (rather than stage
right) after her acceptance speech.
Dan Keplinger (King Gimp)
His exuberant enthusiasm was refreshing. Too bad the group was seated way back
in the nose-bleed section. Why was that, anyway? You can't tell me it was
because he was in a weelchair, because wheelchair-bound Larry Flynt wasn't
seated in the back at last year's ceremony.
The short film created especially for the Oscars that documented films'
representation of the last 2 million years. The best short I've seen in years.
Film that should win an Oscar but never will
Though she was supposed to be a presenter, she was a no-show because of her
possible involvement in a hit-and-run. If she had anything to do with that, all
she has to do is come forward, apologize, pay her fines and the victim's doctor
bills and get on with her career. If she had nothing to do with it, why is she
hiding? It makes her look guilty and unapologetic.
All in all, this year's Oscar broadcast was actually much better than previous
years (although Billy Crystal did tend to overdo the Howard Sternish jokes).
Thank god for not having those ridiculous Debbie Allen interpretive production
numbers (and how many of us were sure that it would make the broadcast shorter??).
Although it was the longest ceremony yet, it was entertaining enough to keep
one's interest (most of the time). Why the Oscars ceremony is held on a Sunday
is rather baffling, however (though it's better than Monday like it used to be).
Wouldn't it be better on a Friday or Saturday - especially considering the
length of the broadcast and the multitude of parties afterwards?? Why is it not?
It could make at least one Saturday a year less of a TV wasteland.
For those that missed them:
Picture - American Beauty
Director - Sam Mendes, American Beauty
Actor - Kevin Spacey, American Beauty
Actress - Hilary Swank, Boy's Don't Cry
Supporting Actor - Michael Caine, The Cider House Rules
Supporting Actress - Angelina Jolie, Girl, Interrupted
Cinematography - Conrad L. Hall, American Beauty
Editing - The Matrix
Visual Effects - The Matrix
Documentary Feature - One Day in September
Documentary Short Subject - King Gimp
Live Action Short - My Mother Dreams the Satan's Disciples in New York
Animated Short - The Old Man and the Sea
Sound - The Matrix
Sound Effects Editing - The Matrix
Foreign Language Film - All About My Mother (Spain)
Original Screenplay - Alan Ball, American Beauty
Adapted Screenplay - John Irving, The Cider House Rules
Original Score - The Red Violin
Makeup - Topsy-Turvey
Costume Design - Lindy Hemming, Topsy-Turvey
Art Direction - Rick Heinrichs & Peter Young, Sleepy Hollow
Original Song - Phill Collins "You'll Be in My Heart", Tarzan
would love to know what you think, sound off on the
boards and let us know what you think!