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 TV Bites With Neena Louise

2nd Annual OscarBites

by Neena Louise


Worst Dressed

Sigorney Weaver
Her red slit-up-to-there dress would have been lovely had it not been for that massive growth on her shoulder.

Runner Up:
Jennifer Lopez
Usually one for the "best dressed" category, Lopez's sloppy, drab dress looked like it had been made from old (very, very thin) flour and potato sacks and thrown together at the last minute with safety pins.

Best Dressed

Catherine Zeta-Jones
Elegant and stylish.

Worst Accessory

Juliette Binoche's multi-strands of flinging pearls. Along with the wild, unkempt hair and ill-fitting dress, she looked like a cheap hooker.

Best Accessory

Morgan Freeman's 14-karat-gold-rimmed Ray Bans

Worst Acceptance Speech

Julia Roberts (Erin Brokovich)
I kept waiting for her to shriek "You LIKE me! You REALLY like me!"

Best Acceptance Speeches

Steven Soderbergh (director, Traffic)
Rather than reel off a list of names no one knows (or cares) about and risk missing someone, Soderbergh spent his time thanking all creative people. Impressive.

Runner up:
Stephen Mirrione (editing, Traffic)
Poised, to the point and SHORT.

Worst song presentation

Björk ("I've Seen it All")
Yeah. I've seen it all, all right. Between her get-up (I guess no one told her that the Oscars is not a costume party in her buddy's basement) and her off-key, breathy...well, I guess you'd call it singing...I kept wanting to yell "GONG!" (ok, I actually did yell, "gong".)

Best song presentation

"A Love Before Time"
Even though Debbie Allen's trademark silly, interpretive dances detracted from the performance, this was the only song presentation that sounded good.

Runner up:
Itzak Perlman and Yo-Yo Ma
Two of the best musicians in the world. On the same stage. Playing together. Wow.

Worst acknowledgement

Steve Martin saying they'd discovered Russell Crowe's kidnapper - Tom Hanks. Oh, puh-leeze!

Best acknowledgement

Julia Roberts calling conductor Bill Conti "stick man".

Least deserving of an Oscar nomination

Baby Goldie-twit eyes Kate Hudson (Almost Famous)
Almost Famous was a great movie, but Kate Hudson was the worst thing about it. She should go to acting school before capitalizing on her mother's fame.

Most deserving of an Oscar nomination

Judi Dench (Chocolat)
She was fabulous in Chocolat (though I still don't think she deserved to win last year for Shakespeare in Love).

Least deserving of an Oscar

Russell Crowe (Gladiator)
Rarely cracking a smile through the whole show, Crowe's half-hearted performance in Gladiator didn't deserve an Oscar nod. Javier Bardem should've won for Before Night Falls.

Most deserving of an Oscar

Steven Soderberg (Traffic)
The fact that he was nominated for TWO "best director" nods speaks volumes.

Least Suprising Winner

Julia Roberts (Erin Brokovich)
What a shock - NOT!

Most Suprising Winner

Bob Dylan (Original Song, "Things Have Changed")
Not that it's not a good song or that he didn't deserve to win, but "A Love Before Time" just screamed "Oscar song".

Worst Presenter

Mike Myers
I guess he was trying to be funny, but he seemed to belittle the awards for sound. Hey, Mikey, I'd like to see your next picture without any sound people! (I'd pay good money to see his sound turned off...)

Best Presenter

Julie Andrews
Not only did she look great, she spoke well and was one of only a few that didn't appear to simply be reading off cue cards.

Runner up:
Ben Stiller
He was the only one that showed enthusiasm.

Worst reaction of a winner

Tracy Seretean (Big Mama)
To win an Academy Award for your very first film is amazing, but Seretean appeared positively bored by the whole thing.

Best reaction of a winner

Peter Pau (cinematography, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)
His enthusiasm was infectious as the people around him went positively nuts. He was also one of a very few that managed to get the crowd going.

Biggest Loser

Though it won an impressive 5 awards, it was hardly a sweep as it lost several to a foreign-language film from Taiwan! (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon).

This was the shortest Academy Awards ceremony in recent memory and good thing, too, because it was BORRRRRING. Steve Martin did an ok job, but just ok. There were no gigantic surprises, nothing unusual, nothing fun. The sets were positively homely and I actually missed being entertained by Billy Crystal's electronic appearance in old movies or (the horror) Whoopi Goldberg dressing up as Queen Elizabeth I in drag. At least those gave me something to react to. The best part of it was that the entire end credits were run without being squished or cut off or having anyone yammer over them. I read every single one.

For those that missed them:

Picture - Gladiator
Director - Steven Soderbergh, Traffic
Actor - Russell Crowe, Gladiator
Actress - Julia Roberts, Erin Brokovich
Supporting Actor - Benicio Del Toro, Traffic
Supporting Actress - Marcia Gay Harden, Pollock
Cinematography - Peter Pau, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Editing - Stephen Mirrione, Traffic
Visual Effects - Gladiator
Documentary Feature - Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories of the Kindertransport
Documentary Short Subject - Big Mama
Live Action Short - Quiero Ser (I Want to Be...)
Animated Short - Father and Daughter
Sound - Gladiator
Sound Editing - U-571
Foreign Language Film - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Taiwan)
Original Screenplay - Cameron Crowe, Almost Famous
Adapted Screenplay - Stephen Gaghan, Traffic
Original Score - Tan Dun, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Makeup - Rick Baker and Gail Ryan, Dr. Suess' How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Costume Design - Janty Yates, Gladiator
Art Direction - Tim Yip, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Original Song - Bob Dylan "Things Have Changed", Wonder Boys
Big Screen TV Winner (for shortest acceptance speech) - Benicio Del Toro (39 seconds). 
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