TV Bites With
2nd Annual OscarBites
by Neena Louise
Her red slit-up-to-there dress would have been lovely had it not been for that
massive growth on her shoulder.
Usually one for the "best dressed" category, Lopez's sloppy, drab
dress looked like it had been made from old (very, very thin) flour and potato
sacks and thrown together at the last minute with safety pins.
Elegant and stylish.
Juliette Binoche's multi-strands of flinging pearls. Along with the wild,
unkempt hair and ill-fitting dress, she looked like a cheap hooker.
Morgan Freeman's 14-karat-gold-rimmed Ray Bans
Julia Roberts (Erin Brokovich)
Worst Acceptance Speech
I kept waiting for her to shriek "You LIKE me! You REALLY like me!"
Steven Soderbergh (director, Traffic)
Best Acceptance Speeches
Rather than reel off a list of names no one knows (or cares) about and risk
missing someone, Soderbergh spent his time thanking all creative people.
Stephen Mirrione (editing, Traffic)
Poised, to the point and SHORT.
Björk ("I've Seen it All")
Worst song presentation
Yeah. I've seen it all, all right. Between her get-up (I guess no one told her
that the Oscars is not a costume party in her buddy's basement) and her
off-key, breathy...well, I guess you'd call it singing...I kept wanting to yell
"GONG!" (ok, I actually did yell, "gong".)
"A Love Before Time"
Best song presentation
Even though Debbie Allen's trademark silly, interpretive dances detracted from
the performance, this was the only song presentation that sounded good.
Itzak Perlman and Yo-Yo Ma
Two of the best musicians in the world. On the same stage. Playing together.
Steve Martin saying they'd discovered Russell Crowe's kidnapper - Tom Hanks. Oh,
Julia Roberts calling conductor Bill Conti "stick man".
Baby Goldie-twit eyes Kate Hudson (Almost Famous)
Least deserving of an Oscar nomination
Almost Famous was a great movie, but Kate Hudson was the worst thing
about it. She should go to acting school before capitalizing on her mother's
Judi Dench (Chocolat)
Most deserving of an Oscar nomination
She was fabulous in Chocolat (though I still don't think she deserved to
win last year for Shakespeare in Love).
Russell Crowe (Gladiator)
Least deserving of an Oscar
Rarely cracking a smile through the whole show, Crowe's half-hearted performance
in Gladiator didn't deserve an Oscar nod. Javier Bardem should've won for
Before Night Falls.
Steven Soderberg (Traffic)
Most deserving of an Oscar
The fact that he was nominated for TWO "best director" nods speaks
Julia Roberts (Erin Brokovich)
Least Suprising Winner
What a shock - NOT!
Bob Dylan (Original Song, "Things Have Changed")
Most Suprising Winner
Not that it's not a good song or that he didn't deserve to win, but "A Love
Before Time" just screamed "Oscar song".
I guess he was trying to be funny, but he seemed to belittle the awards for
sound. Hey, Mikey, I'd like to see your next picture without any sound people!
(I'd pay good money to see his sound turned off...)
Not only did she look great, she spoke well and was one of only a few that
didn't appear to simply be reading off cue cards.
He was the only one that showed enthusiasm.
Tracy Seretean (Big Mama)
Worst reaction of a winner
To win an Academy Award for your very first film is amazing, but Seretean
appeared positively bored by the whole thing.
Peter Pau (cinematography, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)
Best reaction of a winner
His enthusiasm was infectious as the people around him went positively nuts. He
was also one of a very few that managed to get the crowd going.
Though it won an impressive 5 awards, it was hardly a sweep as it lost several
to a foreign-language film from Taiwan! (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon).
This was the shortest Academy Awards ceremony in recent memory and good thing,
too, because it was BORRRRRING. Steve Martin did an ok job, but just ok.
There were no gigantic surprises, nothing unusual, nothing fun. The sets were
positively homely and I actually missed being entertained by Billy Crystal's
electronic appearance in old movies or (the horror) Whoopi Goldberg dressing up
as Queen Elizabeth I in drag. At least those gave me something to react to. The
best part of it was that the entire end credits were run without being squished
or cut off or having anyone yammer over them. I read every single one.
For those that missed them:
Picture - Gladiator
Director - Steven Soderbergh, Traffic
Actor - Russell Crowe, Gladiator
Actress - Julia Roberts, Erin Brokovich
Supporting Actor - Benicio Del Toro, Traffic
Supporting Actress - Marcia Gay Harden, Pollock
Cinematography - Peter Pau, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Editing - Stephen Mirrione, Traffic
Visual Effects - Gladiator
Documentary Feature - Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories of the
Documentary Short Subject - Big Mama
Live Action Short - Quiero Ser (I Want to Be...)
Animated Short - Father and Daughter
Sound - Gladiator
Sound Editing - U-571
Foreign Language Film - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Taiwan)
Original Screenplay - Cameron Crowe, Almost Famous
Adapted Screenplay - Stephen Gaghan, Traffic
Original Score - Tan Dun, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Makeup - Rick Baker and Gail Ryan, Dr. Suess' How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Costume Design - Janty Yates, Gladiator
Art Direction - Tim Yip, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Original Song - Bob Dylan "Things Have Changed", Wonder Boys
Big Screen TV Winner (for shortest acceptance speech) - Benicio Del Toro (39
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