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 TV Bites With Neena Louise

3rd Annual OscarBites

by Neena Louise

Worst Dressed

Jennifer Connelly
I'm not sure if it was that she's too bosomly-challenged to hold up a dress like that or if it is her prominent slouch, but that ill-fitting number made her look drab and uncomfortable.

Best Dressed

Jennifer Lopez
That dress was great (as always on the lovely J-Lo), but that hair has to go...has anyone told her this is not the 1960s?

Worst Accessory

Ananda Lewis' ridiculous spinny flower thing that she was sporting on her wrist.

Best Accessory

Diane Warren's piano-shaped clutch purse.

Worst Acceptance Speech

Halle Berry (Actress, Monster's Ball)
Her blubbering, self-congratulatory and totally insincere "speech" reminded me that she is, indeed, a product of the beauty pageant circuit (and it shows). This fake-blubbery-mess-thing seems to be a trend for those in this category, so I have a message for future nominees: You might win, so make like a Boy Scout and be prepared for crying out loud!

Best Acceptance Speeches (tie)

Julian Fellowes (Original Screenplay, Gosford Park)
His enthusiasm was infectious.

Runner Up
Richard Taylor (Visual Effects, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)
He was the only one to thank movie-goers (without whom there would be no Oscars).

Worst song presentation

Faith Hill, "There You'll Be" (Pearl Harbour)
I've never heard her hit so many wrong notes in a single performance. Truly appalling.

Best song presentation

Enya, "May It Be" (Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)
Hauntingly beautiful.

Worst acknowledgement

Joan Rivers (in the pre-Oscar show) introducing Jim Broadbent as "another Australian" (Broadbent's surprised "No....English!" was one of the funniest lines of the night.)

Best acknowledgement

Whoopie Goldberg's: "Look! It's the Smith Family: Will, Jada and Maggie" (who were all sitting in a row).

Least deserving of an Oscar nomination

Nicole Kidman (Actress, Moulin Rouge!)
Oh, puh-leeze.

Most deserving of an Oscar nomination

Sissy Spacek (Actress, In the Bedroom)
Outstanding performance. Her richly nuanced performance was so much more deserving than the over-the-top histrionics of Halle Berry - both onscreen and on Oscar night.

Least deserving of an Oscar

Halle Berry (Monster's Ball)
She totally didn't deserve it...I suspect she only won because people liked seeing her naked.

Most deserving of an Oscar

Ron Howard (Director, A Beautiful Mind)
Outstanding...it shouldn't have taken so long for this genius to win an Oscar.

Randy Newman (Original Song, "If I Didn't Have You", Monsters, Inc.)
After fifteen nominations and no wins, the Susan Lucci of the Oscars finally gets his statue.

Least Surprising Winner

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Was there ever any doubt?

Most Surprising Winner

Jim Broadbent (Supporting Actor, Iris)
He definitely deserved it, but with co-nominees like Ben Kingsley and Ian McKellen, it was still a surprise.

Worst Presenter

Woody Allen
He started off great and funny, but deteriorated into this rambling, bumbling fill-the-void blathering that made me turn to the Weather Channel.

Best Presenters

Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon
Not only were they amusing, they were also the only ones that didn't look like they were simply reading off the teleprompter.

Worst reaction of a winner

Denzel Washington (Actor, Training Day)
He looked positively smug, then made it worse by putting himself in the same realm as Sidney Poitier. Sorry, Denzel buddy, you're not even on the same planet as Poitier and you never will be (but you do look good!).

Best Reaction of a Winner

Akiva Goldsman (Screenplay Adaptation, A Beautiful Mind)
His borderline-hysterical laugh followed by the borderline-hysterical "I'm terrified" was very endearing.

Biggest Loser

Five nominations and not a single statue. They was robbed!

At a butt-numbing 4 hours, 17 minutes, this was the most tedious, boring and appalling Academy Awards ceremony I've ever witnessed. I've come to call these the Guilt and Pity Awards rather than the Oscars. Some awards were not given to those that deserved them, but rather to those that had been snubbed (or had been perceived to be snubbed) in previous years. It's not right. This practice renders the Oscars worthless and is unfair to those that actually deserve it. Then, the make things even more distasteful, all the references to September 11th rang insincere and self-serving and I was appalled that the "tribute to New York locations" did not have one single image of the Word Trade Center. Some tribute. Add in Whoopie Goldberg's lame jokes, the dreadful swing-around-the-rosies camera work (could anyone read the names during the salute to movie score composers?) and stupid snips of celebrities explaining what their favorite movie is and why (the words "who cares?" leapt to mind) and you have one colossal waste of time.

There were bright moments (okay, there were two): The Circque du Soleil was fabulous and the Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson skit was very funny. Bottom line: the Oscar broadcast could use a little more levity, a lot less self-importance and a whole lot fewer commercials.

First Annual OscarBites
The best and the worst of the 1999 Academy Awards.

Second Annual OscarBites
The best and the worst of the 2000 Academy Awards.

For those that missed them:

2001-2002 Oscar Winners

Picture - A Beautiful Mind, Brian Grazer, Ron Howard
Director - Ron Howard, A Beautiful Mind
Actor - Denzel Washington, Training Day
Actress - Halle Berry, Monsters Ball
Supporting Actor - Jim Broadbent, Iris
Supporting Actress - Jennifer Connelly, A Beautiful Mind
Cinematography - Andrew Lesnie, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Editing - Pietro Scalia, Black Hawk Down
Visual Effects - The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Jim Rygiel, Randall William Cook, Richard Taylor, Mark Stetson
Documentary Feature - Murder on a Sunday Morning, Jean-Xavier de Lestrade, Denis Poncet
Documentary Short Subject - Thoth, Sarah Kernochan, Lynn Appelle
Live Action Short - The Accountant, Ray McKinnon, Lisa Blount
Animated Short - For the Birds, Ralph Eggleston
Sound - Black Hawk Down, Michael Minkler, Myron Nettinga, Chris Munro
Sound Editing - Pearl Harbor, Christopher Boyes, George Watters
Foreign Language Film - No Man's Land (Bosnia-Herzegovina), Danis Tanovic
Original Screenplay - Julian Fellowes, Gosford Park
Adapted Screenplay - Akiva Goldsman, A Beautiful Mind
Original Score - Howard Shore, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Makeup - Peter Owen, Richard Taylor, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Costume Design - Catherine Martin, Angus Strathie, Moulin Rouge!
Art Direction - Catherine Martin, Brigitte Broch, Moulin Rouge!
Original Song - "If I Didn't Have You", Randy Newman, Monsters, Inc.
Honorary Oscars - Sidney Poitier, Robert Redford

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