TV Bites With
4th Annual OscarBites
by Neena Louise
It looked like a bottle of Pepto Bismol threw up on her. It
should've been called "When Good Prom Dresses Go Bad".
All those one-shouldered gowns. I was in awe of how many actresses
(including Halle Berry, Marcia Gay Harden, Haley Mills, Jennifer Lopez) forgot
one of their shoulder straps. They looked ridiculous.
That claret-colored gown was the perfect choice for Zellweger. Her
makeup was a different story, however: it looked like her lips took up half her
Meryl Streep's necklace
That gaudy and tasteless monstrosity looked like she had glued
peacock feathers to her chest. Plus it didn't even come close to matching her
Cloris Leachman's hair sticks
It looked like she slept in the woods at Disneyland and got a bunch
of Tinkerbell's wands stuck in her hair.
The stylized dove "world peace" pin
Many of the stars were sporting these. Beautiful and elegant, the
pin made a statement without making a statement.
Colleen Atwood (Costumes, Chicago)
Worst Acceptance Speech
It's understandable to jot names down in order to remember to thank
key people should you win. However, it's deplorable to write out an entire
speech and read it verbatim with the accompanying monotone and lack of emotion
as Atwood did (and as Jennifer Connelly did last year).
Catherine Zeta-Jones (Supporting Actress, Chicago)
Best Acceptance Speeches (tie)
Her speech was exuberant, honest and - most importantly - short.
Peter O'Toole (Honorary Oscar)
Gracious and amusing, with none of the usual boring ramblings of
honorary Oscar recipients.
Paul Simon, "Father and Daughter" (The Wild Thornberrys
Worst Song Presentation
Off-key and dull. I expected better from such a veteran.
Catherine Zeta-Jones and Queen Latifah, "I Move On" (Chicago)
Best Song Presentation
They sounded (and looked) great, though those willy-nilly dancers
all around them were most annoying.
Steve Martin calling Mickey Rooney as old as the earth. Not funny.
Olivia deHavilland's standing ovation.
Ed Harris (Supporting Actor, The Hours)
Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination
A total Pity Nomination (for losing out for Pollack), this
teeny little role hardly deserved an Oscar nod.
Salma Hayak (Actress, Frida)
Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination
For a movie that would normally not even be noticed by the Academy,
Hayak was a refreshing nomination.
Unlike last year's Guilt 'n' Pity awards, everyone that won this
year actually deserved it.
Least Deserving of an Oscar
Roman Polanski (Director, The Pianist)
Most Deserving of an Oscar
He should've been allowed to be there to accept his most deserved
win. After 30 years, I think he should be forgiven.
Least Surprising Winner
Well, gosh, golly, what a shock - NOT.
"Lose Yourself" (Original Song, 8 Mile)
Most Surprising Winner
Though The Pianist's wins were surprising, this was downright
shocking. "Lose Yourself" totally deserved it, but the Academy is usually not so
This was so incredibly stupid and greatly diminished Eric
Armstrong's (Animated Short Film, The ChubbChubbs!) win.
She looked fabulous and was the only one that spoke so well, you
could hardly tell that she was reading off the teleprompter.
Elliot Goldenthal (Original Score, Frida)
Worst Reaction of a Winner
He looked so arrogant as he swaggered to the stage, acting as though
his win was a foregone conclusion.
Martin Richards (Picture, Chicago)
Best Reaction of a Winner
I don't think anyone else was more thrilled to be getting an award.
ABC's Oscar Pre-Show
Without the standard red carpet to snag celebrity interviews and
look at the clothes, the pre-show was filled with boring clips and silly
commentary. It looked more like an infomercial than a television show.
All in all, this very short and muted Academy Award telecast was
fairly decent. I got really tired of seeing Nicholas Cage's and Jack Nicholson's
faces, however, and that opening sequence looked like a cross between Star
Wars' opening credits and a video for "Tiny Bubbles". Steve Martin's hosting
was leaps and bounds better than his first appearance as host (and infinitely
better than Whoopi Goldberg's) - I actually laughed out loud at some of his
lines (a very rare occurrence on Oscar night). Add in the heartfelt acceptance
speeches and Kirk Douglas' surprising wit and it made for a tolerable evening.
Except for one thing: I've always been disgusted by people that
opportunistically use the huge viewing audience that the Oscar broadcast creates
to spew their political opinions and this year was no different (I was
especially dismayed by Michael Moore's rant). Save it for Larry King, people.
We've been supersaturated with the horrors of war on live television, we didn't
need reminding on Oscar night. Furthermore, I fail to understand the supposed
controversy on whether the glitz and glamor of Oscar night is appropriate while
we are at war. Well, it is appropriate. Not only did we need to celebrate
something positive, movies are as American as mom and apple pie and if we don't
carry on with business as usual, we lose.
For those that missed them:
Picture - Chicago, Martin Richards
Director - Roman Polanski, The Pianist
Actor - Adrien Brody, The Pianist
Actress - Nicole Kidman, The Hours
Supporting Actor - Chris Cooper, Adaptation
Supporting Actress - Catherine Zeta-Jones, Chicago
Original Screenplay - Pedro Almodóvar, Talk to Her (Hable con
Adapted Screenplay - Ronald Harwood, The Pianist
Cinematography - Conrad L. Hall, Road to Perdition
Editing - Martin Walsh, Chicago
Animated Feature - Spirited Away (Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi),
Animated Short - The ChubbChubbs!, Eric Armstrong
Live Action Short - This Charming Man (Der er en yndig mand),
Martin Strange-Hansen, Mie Andreasen
Documentary Feature - Bowling for Columbine, Michael Moore,
Documentary Short Subject - Twin Towers, Bill Guttentag,
Robert David Port
Foreign Language Film - Nowhere in Africa (Nirgendwo in Afrika),
(Germany), Caroline Link
Original Score - Elliot Goldenthal, Frida
Original Song - "Lose Yourself", Eminem, Jeff Bass, Luis Resto, 8
Art Direction - John Myhre, Gord Sim, Chicago
Sound - Michael Minkler, Dominick Tavella, David Lee, Chicago
Sound Editing - Ethan Van der Ryn, Michael Hopkins, The Lord of
the Rings: The Two Towers
Costume Design - Colleen Atwood, Chicago
Visual Effects - The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Jim
Rygiel, Randall William Cook, Alex Funke
Makeup - John Jackson, Beatrice De Alba, Frida
Honorary Oscar - Peter O'Toole
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