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 TV Bites With Neena Louise

5th Annual OscarBites

by Neena Louise

Worst Dressed

Uma Thurman
She was dressed like she should be serving beer in a German-themed pub.


Best Dressed

Scarlett Johansson
Gorgeous dress, gorgeous color...a stark contrast to those stupid long-trained, big-bowed prom dresses so many others were wearing.


Worst Accessory

Nicole Kidman's necklace
It looked like she was wearing a piece of rope with a knot that had somehow gotten turned around her goose-like neck. Not at all attractive.

Runner-Up
Joan Rivers' ring
Not only was it ugly, Rivers showing it off by holding up the finger it was on - her middle finger - shows just how trashy and low-class she is.


Best Accessory

Jamie Lee Curtis' necklace
Stylish and large without being gaudy - and a perfect match with Curtis' dress.


Worst Hair

Liv Tyler
Her lopsided, shellacked hairstyle made her look as though she'd slept on it funny.


Best Hair

Scarlett Johansson
That interesting 'do looked downright glamorous.


Most Charming

Ken Watanabe
Despite his limited English, he held his own with grace and charm while being "interviewed" by that abrasive skank, Joan Rivers.


Least Charming

Tim Robbins
In both the pre-show and during his acceptance speech, Robbins seemed extremely bored and disinterested with the whole silly Oscar thing. I kept wondering why he bothered to show up at all.


Worst Acceptance Speech

Renée Zellweger (Supporting Actress, Cold Mountain)
First she did a slow-motion walk to the stage (despite being in the front row), then tortured us with a hyper, breathy, blah, blah, blubber, blubber, blah, blah, speech.


Best Acceptance Speeches (tie)

Annie Lennox (Original Song, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
One of the few that seemed genuinely thrilled to be receiving an award - without the accompanying boring-blubbery-mess thing.

Sean Penn (Actor, Mystic River)
I was very surprised by his heartfelt and endearing speech. His struggle to find words made it even more so.


Worst Song Presentation

Annie Lennox, "Into the West" (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
I'm so accustomed to Lennox's powerful, smoky voice that this lackluster performance was a disappointment. It didn't help that her silly facial expressions reminded me of an American Idol or Star Search contestant.


Best Song Presentation

Allison Crouse et al., "The Scarlet Tide" (Cold Mountain)
Outstanding performance by all, despite Elvis Costello's out-of-tune guitar.


Worst Acknowledgment

Billy Crystal calling Johnny Depp "the sexiest man alive" in one breath, then adding he played "a slightly gay pirate" in the next. Neither comment was even remotely amusing.


Best Acknowledgment

Billy Crystal (literally) singing Clint Eastwood's praises while sitting on his lap.


Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Everyone nominated actually deserved it. A first.


Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Johnny Depp (Actor, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)
It is so unusual for the Academy to acknowledge a comedic performance (comedies are usually totally ignored unless they're animated), Depp's nomination speaks volumes about his outstanding performance.


Least Deserving of an Oscar

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Well, ok, it deserved an Oscar. Or two. Or five. But eleven? No.


Most Deserving of an Oscar

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Like I said...


Least Surprising Winner

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Well, my goodness, what a stunner.


Most Surprising Winner

This was the most predictable Oscar ceremony ever. I really wasn't surprised by anyone's win.


Worst Presenter

Jim Carrey
Oh, spare us! Save those lame "racy" jokes (which actually weren't) for the clubs, Jimmy boy.


Best Presenters

Jack Black and Will Ferrell
Their hilarious "You're Boring" song about acceptance speeches had me howling.


Worst Reaction of a Winner

Maryann DeLeo (Documentary Short Subject, Chernobyl Heart)
She casually strolled down the aisle (as though she was just going shopping or something), acting like her win was anything but an honor. She did, however, redeem herself somewhat by getting emotional on stage.


Best Reaction of a Winner

Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
For maintaining his enthusiasm as LOTR won award after award after award after award.


Biggest Losers

Everyone that was nominated in the same category as The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Better luck next year...



Billy Crystal's most refreshing return as host, the reappearance of the red carpet glitz and glamour, the unexpected belly laughs and relative brevity made this was one of the most enjoyable Academy Award broadcast I've ever seen. Especially well done was the opening sequence with Billy Crystal inserting himself into movies (even better than the last one he did - especially the bit where Michael Moore got stomped). Jack Black and Will Ferrell's hysterical "You're Boring" song was a definite high point. Too bad the recipients that followed didn't take their advice to heart.

The only blight on this otherwise stellar broadcast were all those taking advantage of the billion-plus viewing audience by shamelessly plugging their projects, condescendingly explaining "the point" of their movies, or spewing their versions of social responsibility. I wish people would get some class and stop doing this. Save this crap for Extra or Entertainment Tonight or anywhere else but here. The Academy Award broadcast is meant to celebrate and entertain, not advertise and educate.

For those who missed them:

Picture - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Barrie M. Osborne, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh
Director - Peter Jackson, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Actor - Sean Penn, Mystic River
Actress - Charlize Theron, Monster
Supporting Actor - Tim Robbins, Mystic River
Supporting Actress - Renée Zellweger, Cold Mountain
Original Screenplay - Lost in Translation, Sofia Coppola
Adapted Screenplay - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson
Cinematography - Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, Russell Boyd
Editing - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Jamie Selkirk
Animated Feature - Finding Nemo, Andrew Stanton
Animated Short - Harvie Krumpet, Adam Elliot
Live Action Short - Two Soldiers, Aaron Schneider, Andrew J. Sacks
Documentary Feature - The Fog of War, Errol Morris, Michael Williams
Documentary Short Subject - Chernobyl Heart, Maryann DeLeo
Foreign Language Film - The Barbarian Invasions (Canada), Denys Arcand
Original Score - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Howard Shore
Original Song - "Into the West", Fran Walsh, Howard Shore, Annie Lennox, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Art Direction - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Grant Major, Dan Hennah, Alan Lee
Sound Mixing - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Christopher Boyes, Michael Semanick, Michael Hedges, Hammond Peek
Sound Editing - Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, Richard King
Costume Design - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Ngila Dickson, Richard Taylor
Visual Effects - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Jim Rygiel, Joe Letteri, Randall William Cook, Alex Funke
Makeup - Richard Taylor, Peter King, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Honorary Oscar - Blake Edwards  
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