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EN    Movies  Music  Television  Jokes  Celebrity News  Books
 TV Bites with Neena Louise

OPINION

TV Bites

7th Annual Oskerbites

by Neena Louise

Worst Dressed

Charlize Theron
That huge, ridiculous puffy bow on her shoulder was as big as her head. It looked like she was hauling around a sack of flour.

Runner-up
Naomi Watts
Her skin-toned dress looked like it had been shredded in the washing machine and was so ill-fitting, she looked 7 months pregnant. And like others (Salma Hayak and Kiera Knightly, for example), one of her shoulder straps was missing (how can anyone think this is a good look??).

Best Dressed

Michelle Williams
Her orange, flowy gown was a refreshing change from all the drab beige and brown.

Worst Accessory

Terrence Howard's lapel pin
It looked like a baby ate a bottle of glitter, then threw up on his lapel. I still don't know what it was supposed to be.

Runner-up
Kiera Knightly's necklace
It seems she got one of those children's "make a necklace" kits and chose as many of the biggest, gaudiest beads for it. Not to mention it didn't match her dress.

Best Accessory

Amy Adams' earrings
Though they were a bit on the large side, her teardrop earrings were envy-inducing.

Worst Hair

Frances McDormand
Her greasy-looking, stringy, unkempt locks look like they haven't seen shampoo, conditioner or a hairbrush in weeks.

Best Hair

Nicole Kidman
Now this is how you do straight hair (Frances McDormand take note). Kidman's simple straight hair was a very refreshing change from all the shellacked helmet-heads.

Least Charming

William Hurt
In the preshow he came off as an arrogant, pompous ass. If he was so completely bored with the whole thing (as it seemed), why did he bother to show up?

Most Charming

Reese Witherspoon
In the preshow, when prodded to bad-mouth someone that had told her she couldn't sing, Witherspoon instead said that singing on film was an accomplishment for her. Classy.

Worst Acceptance Speech

George Clooney (Supporting Actor, Syriana)
The first thing he said was "so I'm not winning director" (like that was ever a possibility), Clooney went on to babble a lot of weirdness and didn't seem the least bit honored (though he did say he was). Instead of thanking anyone, he just spewed some nonsense about AIDS and black people.

Best Acceptance Speech

Jordan Houston, Cedric Colman, Paul Beauregard (Original Song, Hustle & Flow)
Their exuberance and unabashed excitement at winning was very endearing and refreshing.

Worst Song Presentation

For the first time, all song presentations were universally bad. Dolly Parton did her own song no favors; "In The Deep" was accompanied by a burning car with people voguing around it; "It's Hard Out there for a Pimp" was accompanied by an annoying strobe light and people doing bad interpretive dance (it sounded the best, though).

Best Song Presentation

Itzhak Perlman
Though not a song presentation, Perlman's performance of nominated scores is how songs should be presented at the Oscars: on an unadorned stage in a simple circle of white. Oh, and it sounded great, too.

Worst Shout-Out

Ben Stiller, doing some weird impersonation of a stalk of asparagus (ok, he was in a green unitard pretending he would be green-screened), saying "this is blowing Spielberg's mind". Spielberg's response of "no it's not" was priceless.

Best Shout-Out

Hughes Winborne (Film Editing, Crash) to conductor Bill Conti: "Don't start the music. I see you!"

Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Heath Ledger (Actor, Brokeback Mountain)
Mumbling through a movie (in a highly hunky, emotive way) should not an Oscar nomination make.

Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Actor, Capote)
His spot-on portrayal of Truman Capote showed off Hoffman's talents like never before. His character-actor days are over.

Least Deserving of an Oscar

George Clooney (Supporting Actor, Syriana)
A total pity win, since there was no chance in hell he'd win anything for Good Night and Good Luck (nominated for Director and Picture). After his dreadful acceptance speech, I wanted to snatch the Oscar away from him.

Most Deserving of an Oscar

March of the Penguins (Documentary Feature)
If it hadn't won, I'd protest.

Least Surprising Winner

Ang Lee (Director, Brokeback Mountain)
Oooh, what a surprise!

Most Surprising Winner

Crash (Picture)
Not strictly a surprise, since everywhere you looked in the weeks leading up to the Oscars Crash was touted as being a possible upset. Still a bit surprising, though...

Worst Presenters

Chicken Little and Buck Cluck
Note to the Oscar show producers: animated characters, puppets, and all other non-human presenters are stupid...ok, more stupid than humans.

Best Presenter

Jennifer Garner
Stumbling on her way to the microphone, Garner simply said "I do my own stunts" and proceeded with the presentation, unfazed.

Worst Reaction of a Winner

I guess everyone has taken lessons on how to be gracious, since I didn't notice any bad reactions.

Best Reactions of Winners

Paul Haggis and Cathy Schulman (Picture, Crash)
They seemed genuinely surprised and thrilled. Shame on conductor Bill Conti for bringing up the music and cutting Schulman off (to her credit, she kept talking anyway). It was the last award of the night, so there was absolutely no need for that (especially insulting since Reese Witherspoon was not cut off even though her speech most assuredly went over the allotted time).

Biggest Loser

Brokeback Mountain
This is a simple love story. The fact that the principles are gay doesn't make it a good love story, however. The Academy seemed to realize this (for once), since it didn't win many of the awards for which it was nominated.



Relatively short at around 3-1/2 hours, I still found myself often bored during the proceedings. Jon Stewart was extremely unfunny - like an embarrassingly bad stand-up comic you really want to heckle. There were also far too many "clip" segments (the only time I laughed at Stewart was in response to his comment about needing a salute to clips category). We really didn't need to see clip after clip of old movies - especially those that seemed to have nothing to do with the current show (like the salute to Film Noir). At least there was none of last year's awkward presentations from the audience.

Though the huge audience the Oscars generate is usually irresistible for political and social spew, other than Clooney's rambling and a bit of Jon Stewart doing The Daily Show, there was thankfully very little. What I found interesting was that both Academy president Sid Ganis and actor Jake Gyllenhaal slammed DVDs as not the best way to see movies and how you can only get the experience of seeing the movie as it was intended at the theater. I took that as a desperate attempt to get people to go to the theater rather than wait for the DVD, thereby propping up lagging box office revenues and saving their paychecks. So make movies worth the effort of going to the theater, then! I love movies, but I'm one of those who rarely goes through the ordeal of driving miles to the nearest multiplex to sit through commercials and listen to other people's conversations in order to see a movie. I buy (but never download) at least 50 DVDs a year, however, and I'm sick and tired of movie makers trying to make me feel guilty for doing so. Instead of blaming DVDs for the decline in box office returns, movie makers should embrace them. Make DVD revenue part of the box office numbers. Or release the DVD at the same time as the theater release. Or, better yet, offer the DVD for sale at a discounted price only at the theater and only after you buy a ticket to see it. I'd go to the theater more often for sure if they did that...but I guess they think we'd then pirate the DVDs because we're all such thieves. Whatever...they should do something other than constantly blame the public for their failure at the box office. Movie makers can be so clueless...

For those who missed them:

Picture - Crash, Paul Haggis, Cathy Schulman
Director - Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Actor - Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Actress - Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Supporting Actor - George Clooney, Syriana
Supporting Actress - Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Original Screenplay - Crash, Paul Haggis, Bobby Moresco
Adapted Screenplay - Brokeback Mountain, Larry McMurtry, Diana Ossana
Cinematography - Memoirs of a Geisha, Dion Beebe
Film Editing -
Crash, Hughes Winborne
Animated Feature - Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Nick Park, Steve Box
Animated Short - The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation, John Canemaker, Peggy Stern
Live Action Short - Six Shooter, Martin McDonagh
Documentary Feature - March of the Penguins, Luc Jacquet, Yves Darondeau
Documentary Short - A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin, Eric Simonson, Corinne Marrinan
Foreign Language Film - Tsotsi (South Africa), Gavin Hood
Original Score - Brokeback Mountain, Gustavo Santaolalla
Original Song - "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp", Hustle & Flow, Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman, Paul Beauregard
Art Direction -
Memoirs of a Geisha, John Myhre, Gretchen Rau
Sound Mixing - King Kong, Christopher Boyes, Michael Semanick, Michael Hedges, Hammond Peek
Sound Editing -
King Kong, Mike Hopkins, Ethan Van der Ryn
Costume Design -
Memoirs of a Geisha, Colleen Atwood
Visual Effects -
King Kong, Joe Letteri, Brian Van't Hul, Christian Rivers, Richard Taylor
Makeup - The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Howard Berger, Tami Lane
Honorary Oscar - Robert Altman
 
We would love to know what you think, sound off on the TV message boards and let us know what you think!

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