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 TV Bites with Neena Louise

8th Annual Oskerbites

by Neena Louise

Worst Dressed

Meryl Streep
With the multiple strands of mismatched beads and frumpy, oversized black dress, Streep looked like a homeless gypsy.

Nicole Kidman
Though the flaming red color was refreshing, Kidman's dress made her look like a giant red tube with a huge bow on it. Not unlike a Christmas present.

Best Dressed

Helen Mirren
Mirren looked fabulous in her properly-fitting (and age-appropriate) gown, putting the majority of the ridiculously-dressed women to shame.

Jodie Foster
Looking lovely in her steely blue dress and matching earrings, Foster sends a clear message to all the women who think they have to look like clowns at the Oscars: matching accessories to your clothes is a good thing.

Worst Accessory

Rachael Weisz's necklace
On a thin, barely-there chain, Weisz's giant pendant made it appear that she had a plaque stuck to her chest. I don't know what it was, but it was ugleeeee.

Best Accessory

Kate Blanchett's earrings
Blanchett's earrings had the most interesting design of all earrings of the evening. And, like Jodie Foster, they matched her dress (ugly as it was).

Worst Hair

Philip Seymour Hoffman
One word: comb.

Best Hair

Reese Witherspoon
Witherspoon is one of the few women that can get away with having super-straight hair and bangs.

Least Charming

Leonardo DiCaprio
The frozen-faced DiCaprio appeared both arrogant and bored (though he seems to be neither). Does he even have a single facial expression when he's not acting?

Jaden Smith
Though still just a young kid, the sullen and scowling Smith came across as a snotty brat that's just too cool to be there. With such charming show business parents, you'd think they would've taught him a couple of basic things about public appearances.

Most Charming

For the first time, I didn't find anyone particularly charming.

Worst Acceptance Speech

Ari Sandel (Live Action Short Film, West Bank Story)
Instead of thanking anyone, Sandel offered a whole lot of spew on Israelis vs. Palestinians. I guess he made the film single-handedly.

Best Acceptance Speech

George Miller (Animated Feature Film: Happy Feet)
I'm always partial to Oscar winners that thank "everyone that worked on the film", rather than reeling off a lot of names no one recognizes (nor cares about).

Worst Song Presentation

Melissa Etheridge ("I Need to Wake Up", An Inconvenient Truth)
Though the song sounded great, the stupid directives and platitudes about global warming that appeared on a giant screen behind Etheridge made me gag.

Best Song Presentation

James Taylor and Randy Newman ("Our Town", Cars)
I wish all Oscar songs were presented this way: on an unadorned stage with two legends playing acoustic instruments. It sounded great, too.

Worst Shout-Out

Ellen Degeneres' babble about Jack Nicholson being backstage, doing something. Or something...I wasn't really paying attention by this time.

Best Shout-Out

Jack Black, Will Ferrell and John C. Riley professing their lust for Helen Mirren. In song.

Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Click (Makeup)
Making actors fat and old in movies is nothing new or innovative. Not to mention comedies never win Oscars.

Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Jackie Earle Haley (Supporting Actor, Little Children)
Doesn't everybody love a come-back story? His is especially charming.

Least Deserving of an Oscar

An Inconvenient Truth (Documentary Feature)
It only won because a) it's about the cause-of-the-minute and b) Al Gore was in it.

Most Deserving of an Oscar

Martin Scorsese (Director, The Departed)
About time.

Least Surprising Winner

Helen Mirren (Actress, The Queen)
I don't think anyone was surprised by this...not even Mirren.

Most Surprising Winner

Alan Arkin (Supporting Actor, Little Miss Sunshine)
Not that Arkin didn't deserve it, but I thought it would be either Eddie Murphy or Mark Wahlberg that would win it.

Worst Presenters

Cameron Diaz
With her perky, head-bopping "aren't I just soooo cute?" antics, Diaz was just plain annoying.

Best Presenters

Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola
Dispensing with the hackneyed "it's an honor just to be nominated", Coppola and Spielberg gushed about how winning an Oscar was the high point of their careers, while Lucas stood in the middle, Oscarless.

Worst Reaction of a Winner

Alan Arkin (Supporting Actor, Little Miss Sunshine)
Looking decidedly uninterested on his walk to the stage, then simply reading his acceptance speech, Arkin looked anything but honored. He redeemed himself somewhat by getting a little emotional, but still...

Best Reaction of a Winner

Jennifer Hudson (Supporting Actress, Dreamgirls)
Looking genuinely shocked (though pre-Oscar buzz said she was a shoe-in), Hudson held her own and avoided the blubbery mess thing so common in this category (and if I was her, I wouldn't have been able to resist shouting "nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah" to Simon Cowell).

Biggest Loser

Winning just 2 of the 8 awards for which it was nominated, Dreamgirls ended up being anything but dreamy.

At a butt-numbing 4-plus hours, I have only one word for this Oscar telecast: borrrrrrrring! I found many of the changes to the broadcast just plain stupid: the silly gospel choir serenading the nominees, the lack of a podium (forcing many to put the Oscar on the floor while retrieving their notes), the stupid costume tableaus (I would've rather seen clips from the actual movie) was just all so uninspiring. First-time host Ellen Degeneres did little to spice things up (though her interaction with Clint Eastwood was cute). I usually like Degeneres, but I couldn't help thinking "blah, blah, blah" whenever she talked. Two and half hours in and I was wishing the whole damn thing was over already. There were some bright spots: The introductory short film showing the nominees speaking against a plain white background was charming and funny. Though my initial reaction to the word "interpretive dance" was something akin to horror, I was pleasantly surprised by the innovative troupe that used their bodies to create silhouettes. And Jack Black, Will Ferrell and John C. Riley, singing about how comedies never win Oscars was spot-on. These delights couldn't save the stultifyingly dull broadcast, however.

There's nothing I despise more than opportunistic political and social spew during the Oscar broadcast. This year was the worst ever, with all the incessant, condescending "blah, blah" about global warming. I know it's the cause-of-the-minute, but for heaven's sake, there are other issues affecting the world! Why was global warming the Oscar theme? Because Al Gore was there? Because the media can't shut the hell up about it? Because a movie on it was nominated? Enough, already! The evening was supposed to honor excellence in movie making, not be a platform for whatever issue is popular at the moment. Such nonsense should be banned outright from the Oscar broadcast.

For those who missed them:

Picture: The Departed, Graham King
Director: Martin Scorsese, The Departed
Actor: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Actress: Helen Mirren, The Queen
Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine
Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Foreign Language Film: The Lives of Others (Germany), Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Cinematography: Pan's Labyrinth, Guillermo Navarro
Original Screenplay: Little Miss Sunshine, Michael Arndt
Adapted Screenplay: The Departed, William Monahan
Documentary Feature: An Inconvenient Truth, Davis Guggenheim
Documentary Short Subject: The Blood of Yingzhou District, Ruby Yang, Thomas Lennon
Live Action Short Film: West Bank Story, Ari Sandel
Film Editing: The Departed, Thelma Schoonmaker
Makeup: Pan's Labyrinth, David Marti, Montse Ribe
Art Direction: Pan's Labyrinth, Eugenio Caballero, Pilar Revuelta
Sound Mixing: Dreamgirls, Michael Minkler, Bob Beemer, Willie Burton
Sound Editing: Letters From Iwo Jima, Alan Robert Murray, Bud Asman
Visual Effects: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, John Knoll, Hal Hickel, Charles Gibson, Allen Hall
Costume Design: Marie Antoinette, Milena Canonero
Original Score: Babel, Gustavo Santaolalla
Original Song: "I Need to Wake Up", An Inconvenient Truth, Melissa Etheridge
Animated Feature Film: Happy Feet, George Miller
Animated Short Film: The Danish Poet, Torill Kove
Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award: Sherry Lansing
Honorary Oscar: Ennio Morricone

We would love to know what you think, sound off on the TV message boards and let us know what you think!


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