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 TV Bites with Neena Louise

9th Annual Oskerbites

by Neena Louise

Worst Dressed

Tilda Swinton
Her shapeless black gown that seemed to have lost a sleeve, along with the minimal makeup and horrid boy-cut hair all made Swinton look like a transvestite that had been the victim of a mugging.

Diablo Cody
Trying way, way, way
too hard to show just how "different" she is, Cody's shapeless animal print muumuu just looked stupid and a little sad.

Best Dressed

Ruby Dee
Even though I've never seen so many red dresses (if anyone was trying to be different by wearing red, it sure didn't work!), Dee pulled it off the best. Elegant and age-appropriate, she looked the classiest of all. 

Worst Accessory

Nicole Kidman's necklace
Kidman's drippy, droopy, dangly bling looked like a giant bottle of glitter threw up on her.

Best Accessory

Jennifer Garner's necklace
It should've been gaudy, but Garner's collar-like diamond choker was anything but.

Worst Hair

John Travolta
It looked like his hair had been painted on.

Best Hair

Marion Cotillard
Tough choice this year. With so many elegant 'dos, Cotillard wins it with her side-swept, soft curls.

Least Charming

George Clooney
On the red carpet, Clooney came off as just the most arrogant - not to mention extremely unfunny - jerk I've ever seen.

Most Charming

Miley Cyrus
Hard to believe the composed and totally charming Cyrus is so young. Some of the adults could learn a thing or two.

Worst Acceptance Speech

Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg (Sound Editing, The Bourne Ultimatum)
Stumbling and bumbling and blanking completely, Landers proclaimed "we planned [the speech]". Something no one should ever admit doing.

Best Acceptance Speech

Javier Bardem (Supporting Actor, No Country for Old Men)
Speaking lightning-fast, but losing nothing. His speech to his mom needed no translation. It was very sweet.

Worst Song Presentation

"That's How You Know" (Enchanted)
Sure, it sounded good, but the whirly, squirrelly dancers were distracting, and I secretly (viciously) wanted someone to fall.

Best Song Presentation

"Falling Slowly" (Once)
It could've sounded better, but that's how I like to see Oscar-nominated songs performed: no silly dance numbers or props...just performers on an unadorned stage.

Worst Shout-Out

Jon Stewart comparing Julie Christie's portrayal of an Alzheimer's patient who forgets her husband to Hilary Swank forgetting to mention her husband during her Oscar acceptance speech several years ago. Considering Swank has split from her husband, this was a low blow, even for Stewart.

Best Shout-Out

Jon Stewart mentioning Angelina Jolie couldn't attend the Oscars because it's "hard to find 17 babysitters". One of the few times Stewart made me laugh.

Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Ruby Dee (Supporting Actress, American Gangster)
Yes, she's due. But, come on! A performance that lasts 5 minutes is a bit part, not a supporting role.

Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Ellen Page (Actress, Juno)
Her sweet and funny portrayal of a pregnant teen was definitely Oscar-worthy.

Least Deserving of an Oscar

Everyone that got one this year actually deserved it.

Most Deserving of an Oscar

There really was no "most" deserving.

Least Surprising Winner

Daniel Day-Lewis (Actor, There Will Be Blood)
I would've been shocked had anyone else won.

Most Surprising Winner

No real upsets.

Worst Presenters

Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill
Their "I'm Halle Berry, you're Judi Dench" schtick just went on and on and on. And on. It wasn't even funny to begin with.

Best Presenters

Military personnel beamed in by satellite from Iraq
Yeah, it was a bit hokey, but I thought it was very, very cool.

Worst Reaction of a Winner

Hugh Welchman (Animated Short Film, Peter & the Wolf)
Taking a leisurely stroll from the back rows cradling a little Peter [snicker] doll, Welchman looked like his win was a foregone conclusion and he could just do whatever he wanted.

Best Reaction of a Winner

Marion Cotillard (Actress, La Vie en Rose)
So thrilled and excited, Cotillard was barely able to contain herself as she just repeated "thank you". Nice that she avoided the blubbery blah-blah so common to those in this category.

Biggest Loser

Gary Busey
During E!'s red carpet show, Busey, who seemed to be "altered", first shouted at Ryan Seacrest, then grabbed a surprised Jennifer Garner (who didn't seem to know who he was) in a bear hug and gave her a big kiss. It frightened Garner and totally unhinged Seacrest.

Shorter than many broadcasts at around 3 hours, 50 minutes, this Oscar telecast was neither exciting, nor boring. It just...was
. The stage looked very silly with its big tubey things that reminded me so much of a microscope and the opening montage was decidedly uninspired (and I was completely disgusted by the ads that followed). What I found most annoying, however, was that the images shown on the giant screen had the edges cut off when broadcast. I have a widescreen TV (as so many do these days), so why were so many titles chopped off? It made for many interesting titles, however - especially during the "Best Picture" montage (where most of the years of the movies was "19"). Some of my favorites: ITANIC, LADIATOR, APE FEAR and (my favorite), RASH. Didn't the producers notice this during their run-through?!?!?

The rest of the broadcast was just that: a broadcast. Jon Stewart really sucked as a host, I must say. I guess no one told him he wasn't doing his show, but the Oscars. Not only did he seemed to be obsessed with pregnant women and couldn't shut up about them, he took every funny or sweet moment and ruined it by poking fun. There's a time to poke fun at things and a time not to. At least Stewart was the only one doing the political and social spew (and it was brief), as everyone else thankfully avoided the all-too-common practice of using the huge audience the broadcast garners as a platform for the cause-of-the-minute.

For those who missed them:

Picture: No Country for Old Men, Ethan Coen, Joel Coen, Scott Rudin
Director: Ethan Coen and Joel Coen,
No Country for Old Men
Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis,
There Will Be Blood
Actress: Marion Cotillard,
La Vie en Rose
Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem,
No Country for Old Men
Supporting Actress: Tilda Swinton,
Michael Clayton
Foreign Language Film:
Die Fälscher (The Counterfeiters) (Austria), Stefan Ruzowitzky
There Will Be Blood, Robert Elswit
Original Screenplay: Diablo Cody,
Adapted Screenplay: Ethan Coen and Joel Coen,
No Country for Old Men
Documentary Feature:
Taxi to the Dark Side, Alex Gibney, Eva Orner
Documentary Short Subject:
Freeheld, Cynthia Wade, Vanessa Roth
Live Action Short Film:
Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets), Philippe Pollet-Villard
Film Editing:
The Bourne Ultimatum, Christopher Rouse
La Vie en Rose, Didier Lavergne, Jan Archibald
Art Direction:
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Dante Ferretti, Francesca lo Schiavo
Sound Mixing:
The Bourne Ultimatum, Scott Millan, David Parker, Kirk Francis
Sound Editing:
The Bourne Ultimatum, Karen Baker Landers, Per Hallberg
Visual Effects:
The Golden Compass, Michel Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris, Trevor Wood
Costume Design:
Elizabeth: The Golden Age, Alexandra Byrne
Original Score:
Atonement, Dario Marianelli
Original Song: "Falling Slowly",
Once, Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova
Animated Feature Film:
Ratatouille, Brad Bird
Animated Short Film:
Peter & the Wolf, Suzie Templeton, Hugh Welchman
Honorary Oscar: Robert Boyle


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