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 TV Bites with Neena Louise

10th Annual Oskerbites

by Neena Louise
 
Worst Dressed
 

Jessica Biel
Biel looked like she simply draped a bunch of fabric around her and stuffed a towel down her cleavage.

Best Dressed

Amy Adams
Wearing an elegant dark red gown, Adams was a vision. That necklace on the other hand... 

Worst Accessory

Philip Seymour Hoffman's knitted watchcap
It's the Oscars, Phil, not a rumble in the alley.

Best Accessory

Diane Lane's necklace
That's
how you do a choker. Bonus that it matched her dress.

Worst Hair

Jessica Biel
Someone should've introduced her to a hairbrush and some anti-frizz serum before the ceremony.

 

Runner-up

Angelina Jolie.
Despite the lovely curls cascading down her back, from the front, Jolie resembled the Bride of Frankenstein.

Best Hair

I really didn't see any "good" hair.

Least Charming

Heidi Klum
During E!'s preshow, Klum kept insinuating herself in husband Seal's interview with Ryan Seacrest. If that wasn't bad enough, she then had the gall to hawk her hideous jewellry (albeit for charity). Disgusting.

Most Charming

Taraji P. Henson
Henson was utterly charming and relaxed and, though completely respectful, didn't seem to take herself or the Oscars too seriously. Very refreshing.

Worst Acceptance Speech

Penelope Cruz (Supporting Actress, Vicky Cristina Barcelona)
Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH. I don't know why this kind of nonsense is so typical for those in this category.

Best Acceptance Speech

Danny Boyle (Director, Slumdog Millionaire)
His Tigger impression was completely endearing and he actually looked thrilled to be winning, even though it was the bazillionth for Slumdog
.

Worst Song Presentation

The entire thing
Ok, what the hell was that
? It started off reasonably well with A.R. Rahman's excellent singing of "O...Saya" from Slumdog Millionaire, but I was totally confused when, in the middle of a bunch of Bollywood dancers, some guy (I'm sure I'll get slammed for having no idea who it was) started singing "Down to Earth" from WALL-E
, then an African choir appeared out of nowhere for no apparent reason. If that wasn't bad enough, Rahman returned to the stage to sing "Jai Ho", then was joined by Unknown Singer who reprised "Down to Earth" like some weird duet. Peter Gabriel was quite vocal about his objections to having nominated songs (one of which was his) presented as a medley and he was so right. The whole thing was a big, hot, steaming mess.

Best Song Presentation

No such creature.

Worst Shout-Out

All the acknowledgements Hugh Jackman spewed after the opening number. Awkward!

Best Shout-Out

Cuba Gooding Jr. ranting at Robert Downey Jr. for playing a black man in Tropic Thunder.

Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Angelina Jolie (Actress, Changeling)
Her over-the-top melodramatic weepy mess of a performance was hardly worth an Oscar nod.

Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Mickey Rourke (Actor, The Wrestler)
I'm a sucker for a good comeback story.

Least Deserving of an Oscar

Sean Penn

This was just a cause-of-the-minute win. Penn saved himself somewhat during his acceptance speech when he very astutely said how "difficult it is to appreciate me". Impossible, actually.

Most Deserving of an Oscar

Kate Winslet

Well, it's about time!

Least Surprising Winners (tie)

WALL-E (Animated Feature) and Heath Ledger (Supporting Actor, The Dark Knight)
Foregone conclusions.

Most Surprising Winner

Again this year, no surprises.

Worst Presenters

All the actor & actress categories
Having previous winners gushing over the nominees was completely gaggable and cringe-worthy (not to mention boring as hell). When the nominees pulled their best pageant "oooh, thank you" faces, I wanted to vomit. Note to Oscar producers:
Never do this again!

Best Presenter

Will Smith
Utterly charming and funny and completely respectful of the sound and editing categories (which are so often underappreciated). Not only did he poke fun at himself for tripping over his words, he took the words out of my mouth when, as he stayed for a third presentation, said "yeah, I'm still here".

Worst Reaction of a Winner

Greg Cannom (Makeup, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
His arrogant swagger and look of "well, of course
I won" made me instantly dislike him. Didn't help that his acceptance speech just spieled off a list of names.

Best Reaction of a Winner

Jochen Alexander Freydank (Live Action Short Film, Spielzeugland)
His enthusiastic jubilation at his win was very refreshing.

Biggest Losers

Anyone nominated against Slumdog Millionaire


This Oscar broadcast was better than last year, but still not terribly interesting. There seemed to be far too much filler and not enough ceremony, making it very surprising that it was shorter than most broadcasts (in spite of the horrible gushing love-ins of the actor/actress presentations that made me fear the broadcast would be 6 hours long). The stage, with its bazillion crystals, looked like some spoiled brat's sweet sixteen party, complete with chandeliers that seemed to have bodies suspended from them. However, the ugly stage was easy to ignore with the charming Hugh Jackman doing a great job as host. It was nice to see his song-and-dance chops on display during the opening old-time musical theater number, which was so silly it was hilarious (the cardboard Oscars at the end made me howl). The "salute to musicals" in the middle of the broadcast, however, was a nightmare. It seems they were trying to get as many people on the stage as possible, doing their best high school production number. Pointless, corny and stupid, it made me dislike musicals even more than I already do and I turned to the weather channel for something more interesting. The absolute worst part of the broadcast, however, was the "In Memoriam" sequence. The awkward, zooming camera angles made it nearly impossible to read many of the names (I was actually squinting at my giant TV, trying to read them). It didn't help that Queen Latifah was singing during the entire thing. Do you look at her performance, or the people on the screens behind her? It was totally disrespectful.

Despite the bad bits, I was very relieved that no one seemed to be using the broadcast's huge audience for their own agendas. Until that idiot Sean Penn had to go and ruin it with his pro-gay marriage plug. Come on, people! The Oscars is not the place for any kind of political or social spew. Get it into your big, fat moronic heads: You're
entertainers
, not politicians.

For those who missed them:

Picture: Slumdog Millionaire, Christian Colson
Director: Danny Boyle,
Slumdog Millionaire
Actor: Sean Penn,
Milk
Actress: Kate Winslet,
The Reader
Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger,
The Dark Knight
Supporting Actress: Penélope Cruz,
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Foreign Language Film:
Departures (Japan), Yojiro Takita
Cinematography:
Slumdog Millionaire, Anthony Dod Mantle
Original Screenplay: Dustin Lance Black,
Milk
Adapted Screenplay: Simon Beaufoy,
Slumdog Millionaire
Documentary Feature:
Man on Wire, James Marsh, Simon Chinn
Documentary Short Subject:
Smile Pinki, Megan Mylan
Live Action Short Film:
Spielzeugland (Toyland), Jochen Alexander Freydank
Film Editing:
Slumdog Millionaire, Chris Dickens
Makeup:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Greg Cannom
Art Direction:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Donald Graham Burt, Victor J. Zolfo
Sound Mixing:
Slumdog Millionaire, Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke, Resul Pookutty
Sound Editing:
The Dark Knight, Richard King
Visual Effects:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron
Costume Design:
The Duchess, Michael O'Connor
Original Score:
Slumdog Millionaire, A.R. Rahman
Original Song: "Jai Ho",
Slumdog Millionaire, A.R. Rahman, Gulzar
Animated Feature Film:
WALL-E, Andrew Stanton
Animated Short Film:
La Maison en Petits Cubes
, Kunio Kato
Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award: Jerry Lewis

 


 

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